Prayer Request Granted Big time!! The Best Day of My Life - February 15, 1992

**Play "Wind Beneath My Winds" (use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right******************
The day I had waited and prayed and prayed and prayed for finally came. Saturday, February 15, 1992 Chris was FINALLY (3 1/2 years later) taking me as his bride, to have, love, protect forever. We started our marriage off right in the church, with our families, friends and church family. We had a beautiful "sermon" about the two families blending with us today to become ONE. We lit the candle to signify the two coming together as one. Our lives were now one, and that candle which, of course I kept for years, using it to celebrate us. We had communion to make our faith not just something we did but to bring Christ into our relationship on that special moment as it was being sealed before God the Father. Each time we will take communion in church after today, it is also remembering He has been with us since day one. We were both strong believers, we promised each other things in front of God and everyone we knew. No matter what came our way, we would be able to weather any storm together, that is what we promised.

Everytime I look at the pictures, I can see the excitement and sheer confidence that we were going to set off building our life as one team. The thrill of receiving my most coveted thing, the main prayer request for 8 years. I wanted a Godly man, to build my faith with, to build a godly family with. And God heard me and gave me all that and a great family to welcome me in as a part of their sons life. I could not wait for the pastor to get through to my favorite part of weddings, the pinacle, "And now I pronounce you Husband and Wife". That was the title I had been waiting for. And as we walked out of the church to the tune of "Love and Marriage" (a theme song to popular sitcom at the time, or for the older crowd The Campbell's soup song, which was funny to many since Chris resembles the little boy on the Campbell soup can) hand and hand, Mr. and Mrs. Wiggins.

This year we celebrated our 16th year as Husband and Wife and July 21, we will have been a part of each others lives for 20 years. And it has been an interesting 20 years, we look different (well I do) than we did that day and some things went as we planned all those years ago, but somethings never came out as we hoped or thought they would. But through it all, we have always had one thing working for us even when we did not realize it.

Our vows (covenant) was just like the one God made for Abraham, he was involved, but God completed the process to make it binding and just like our salvation, God was keeping this covenant, we were just there for the pictures. Our individual relationships with God would be our way of coming to the circle, but it was God who would keep us as long as we trusted Him. It has taken us awhile, but we finally realized what made our marriage strong, even when we were in the negative events. When we are weak He is strong.

The verse I like to use when I look at this picture is Ephesians 3:20 Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us... and if I can say one thing that is positive and so helpful it is to write that verse on something and keep it with you, use it daily, when the storms come, and they will, that verse will comfort and remind you where to place your desires and needs, still communicate with your spouse but remember who HE really means. Remember who made the covenant between you and your spouse. You swore before God that this was your hearts desire and although we change our minds, and our "feelings" go through changes. Love is a decision and our love is Christs love and it is able to do what Ephesians 3:20 says. Meditate on that and pray for each other and for binding and protection, and any marriage can stand the test of time. Even marital offenses are covered by the blood and forgiven and if we use Christ's example and his love and forgive each other (quickly and justly) we can have the abundance and the pleasure of our wedding covenant.

To have and To hold, To Love and To Cherish until Death due you part.

My Story.. My Passion...My Pursuit...

**Play "I walk by Faith and Jesus Take the Wheel" (use the > key to scroll to the title on the playlist player) These are my favorite songs and really say what all this does, but alot quicker, but what good is that. My love language is time :).

Why write, post and share this information? That's just how I am. If you are going to do something do it with all your heart. If you enjoy, benefit from, learn why not share that information and experience. Can I help? Is something from deep down inside, it is not a persuasive maneuver, or alter motive, or anything "conscious" it is part of my make up, since I was small. People in general fascinate me, and talk and more importantly listening to their thoughts (good or bad), feelings, hopes, dreams, frustrations, hurts, disappointments is a little glimpse at the "real" them, the Heart, the Soul. That is when you really know someone, when they can share with you, or no that you are not going to stop at the Okay??? response, when you know that is not the truth. Facial expressions and body language are interesting to, I really pay attention to peoples body language and facial expressions it helps gauge how "true" what they are saying is, and if it is just a superficial kind of thing or if it is deeper and more thought out. God, Fellowship, (interaction with people), Family, Friends, Community, Participation (involvement), Encouragement, Support. Those are my priorities in life, and pretty much in that order. I feel very strongly that Christ wants us to be a part of each others lives, (not in superficial, or intrusive ways) but truly "family" (the pre-2000 meaning, people who depended, cared, shared, cooperatively work with each other, were together forever, almost like marriage "til death does you part (and remember the 10 commandments you cannot speed up that separation)") Today it seems like everyone is so temporal, marriages, families, friendships, jobs, careers, sports team commitments it is all until it becomes too much trouble, or until something better comes along. It is sad, and very stressful, (especially when you have a tendency to "screw up often" and your not really an "A" Lister, (according to worldly standards not high on the ranking) . It is hard to see the disconnections and the preference to walk alone, because "if you get too close, you will get hurt" mentality or more now it is "too much trouble, no time". I love history and traditions and the old bible stories, (before they were modernized and simplified). Many of the stories, they talk about the people eating and working, sharing and loving each other. When there were needs they came together, when there were celebrations they came together. Now it is not as much a tradition of getting together outside family (blood relatives), and the "adopted" families (close friends that you consider like family since, your away from your actual family).

Since I was little I was a "social butterfly", I loved inviting people over or setting up events, going an visiting people, writing letters, sending cards just making connections. Getting to know people, hearing their stories, how they grew up, what they did in high school, college, jobs they have had, their plans, dreams, how they met their spouse, looking at their pictures just making the connection is so much fun and so invigorating. Find those things in common or that can be "relationship builders while you teach each other things". I took Titus 2 to heart in a big way very early on, and anything I wanted to know or do I would look for people doing them and watch them, learn what I could and then ask questions and get them to show me and work with me so I could do it too. Role models were very few and far between for me, I was saved at a young age (6 or 8 and baptised at 10) and taught by strong, devoted parents to really be careful about the examples you choose, and always remember to think about how your behavior could affect others. I was the oldest of 4 children and I was always mindful of my younger siblings being able to be involved and making sure I was a good sister to them. We fought like craze, but if they were in need, even to this day we always knew you could call on family. My dad use to say "That is what family does, and why would you not help someone if you were capable" and that is how my parents lived. They would give food, help people setup their houses when they moved in, give them rides, cut their grass, find them things they were in need of, whatever they could do they did. It was just the way you did things, so I thought.

But, as I got older and saw more, talked more (yes it is possible) I found that this was not seen as "normal" regular people just don't do things for you without expecting something in return. Expectations and Motives and alter motives, actually not doing things just because they were not fun or you did not want to were foreign concepts to me and not really things I wanted to explore. But, as I advanced in years and tried to "achieve" I found that I was not equipped to succeed. Interviews were painful, stressful and so hard, and then once I got the jobs (which I did not really have a problem with, usually hired at the interview), I found that what I was told in the interview was not 100% honest and that there was always "gray" not a lie but not completely honest or sins of omission. I had a really hard time with these concepts, we were taught at home and in church that your integrity was to protected and was more important than anything. Trust God to handle the rest, but step out in honesty. The bible was taught very literally, there are allot of things you do not do, a lot of mandates, precepts and commandments, the most important to Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and secondly to Love others. There was not any need to "decode or translate it, God said it therefore do it, we were told. And if you do not, well that is sin and God hates sin, you must confess and he will forgive you. But the big emphasis was on the confession, being the questioner that I was, I would always ask "what happens if you do not confess the sin will you not be forgiven" and the answer was never clear and short and the person was always irritated I asked it in the first place. but, I was a firm believer in asking questions to learn was never stupid. But as I found myself asking more and more, the self-doubt and anxiety began, what if I "think" I have confessed something and I haven't? and later as I began playing with some of the "worldly was of thinking" and the gray started getting more and the white started to fade, I started to question about the times that I delayed confessing, (when I was not really sorry that I said an unkind word, or when I denied someone help or when I was mean and complained).

So I began really studying and memorizing scripture and living to love him and let him take care of everything else, and I made it through the teenage years without any major problems. Then I graduated from high school, full-time employment and my first serious relationship (which was the man I married 3 and 1/2 years later) and a change in churches and things got really confusing (those that know me are biting their nail right now, when I get confused or worried, oh no!) and I dug deeper and only found dust, I talked to people and that made it worse. And then, I met my first atheist, and oh.... (I thought!! famous last words, I was prepared, I knew my bible, I memorized scripture "verbatim", I was ready...) I have never seen someone who knew so much about the bible, the history, had all this information my head was spinning. He flipped through the bible going old testament, new testament, and back and forth, one verse here another there. I got so flustered I stood up and yelled, "you can't read it like that.. you can't keep flipping around like that, you have to read it the way it is supposed to be read, taking "implied meanings" he had me so confused and unraveled as soon as he left sat down with my bible and OH no... everything looked different. He broke up all the stories and all the passages and he pulled out verses we really did not "use" in church and taking verse from the New testament and holding them up to the old testament brought up so many "conflicts and contradictions" and all that other information he was rattling off, I had no clue where he got that from. I was a mess. And the devil had a field day, I was questioning everything and would ask questions but did not want anyone to know that I totally tanked on trying to witness to this guy, who was a friend of ours, so the questions were kind of general. I think that made it harder, to be someone we really liked and cared for and no that he was so not with the Lord, broke my heart.

I was stumbling, I was studying and working on things but with being a wife, full-time medical biller, daughter-in-law, friend I just tried to not worry about (I did try but that is not me) I made sure we did not go to far in our discussions from then on, if it got too deep I would leave the room, (good time to play hostess, even at their house). Life was hectic and then we were expecting our first child and everything changed, we did not see them as much, mainly because I was so sick, that if I made it to work, when I got home I was not doing much and then they moved away. I always regretted that we never got to have a two parted discussion, I was so mad at myself that I did not know as much as he did, that I decided (did you hear that rumble....) that I was going to get into the scriptures and I was going to find people at church have them get deep with me so that NEVER happened again. Things were progressing, life had other turns but this was my main focus that has eternal significance (I was doing all the other stuff, wife, mother, working) but this was my hearts desire. And then, My husband gets a new job and we are going to move away from family and move 3 hours away to North Carolina. (that is a whole web page of its own). I cried for a week I think.

But, it was a good thing for my husband and our family and I had this "feeling" that this was what God wanted us to do and so we did it. The second hardest thing I have had to do to date. Many journals, (a few bond fires) and I am able to truly praise God for all these experiences and all the painful lessons and most importantly for the patience and love he had for me throughout these troublesome experiences and all the while, I could have had the peace, joy and security that I had memorized in all those scriptures if I would have only trusted that he was going to do what he said, truly believed Romans 8:28 Literally and completely. I had only memorized a portion of that verse and never realized there was a beautiful ending to that. God was faithful even when I was having a midlife temper tantrum, God was faithful through all the times in between the things listed. God is faithful everyday and will be faithful until he returns. Oh, if we would only believe, we could walk in peace in the midst of the worst storm, it is not going to make the pain go away, but we no it will pass as all thing here on earth do, it is not going to affect our long term position. That was sealed many, many years ago, when I received my salvation. All those tears all those sleepless night, all the hiding and guilty and shame all the joy that was lost. But, that is all forgiven and Christ will weave it into a beautiful quilt.

I love the clay visual, he knocks down the cracked and odd shaped vessel, and strengthen the clay with His hands and builds it up again, and dries it but moisture is locked inside and then he glazes the vessel for protection and beauty and places it in the fire to purify and seal the glaze and then he takes it out and places it on a display shelf for all to see, His treasured creation. To Him be all the glory.

How am I doing? What is my "performance appraisal on this situation"?

***Click on the playlist and listen to Mercy came running while you read this******
When reflecting or looking back at a feeling, emotional outburst, event, conversation whatever; you look at what caused, inspired, encouraged "it" to see if you can pick up on the chain of events, the cause and effect and sort out how to correct or prevent the negative and how to recreate or increase the positive. (Well at least I do)

The world usually calls this evaluating or performance appraisals or my favorite, Goal achievement counseling. Everything is based on what you did, said, how you responded, the result is heavily weighted too. You could dress great, have a beautiful set-up, planned to the inth degree, sent out great invitations, followed up, and because only a few people came you are "determined" a failure. How crazy is that... If when "evaluated" there were no lacking efforts why am I the failure, why not the invitations, the location, the...., the receipients selected where not suited for the event?? Nope the world says, YOU!! are the failure. Okay, no biggy. "If at first you do not succeed try, try, try, again", "I will succeed next time", "Everyone loses once and awhile", and all those other positive attitude cliche's we use. Shake it off and move on. And then again the evaluation.....and the determination is....BUMP Bump BUMP BUMP dtt. You Failed. Okay not a big deal, dig deep, re-evaluate... consult with others to see what you are missing. PRAY!!!! and get ready for next time. And well, the cycle continues, and again.....FAILURE!!!! (Well at least I have found something I am consistent and can repeat the same quality, I not getting worse it is just the same as the last million tries). And then people wonder why you do not smile, laugh and you are generaly a jack rabbit of emotional displays (you are desperate for what you feel works, tears make people scatter or at least say something nice or change the subject). When these situations develop, I call them the darkroom, sometimes when things look there worse, the true image has not "developed" we need to let the ink dry. I like to get a pad and pen and write down the process, with the emotions, thoughts, ect. (you can always tear it up later, of course me being a packrat and a documentation enthusiast, I save many of these).

But, it helps to have things written out, read over it, make sure that you have an accurate record of things, no estimates or if so be fair, then get someone else that was there or has knowledge (first hand) of the situation to review what you have. Perspective is a key element of any productive evaluation. Then look at the basics, what are the efforts being measured, where they properly explained and are the goals reasonable. Was there adequate planning and preparation and was there proper support, equipping and supplies available. What is the effect of the Failure? What does that mean to you as a person? Is there anything you can do to "correct" or make up for the failure? Okay that covers the "productive worldly way of doing things", it is all your responsibility, it is all hanging on your abilities and qualities and if it does not work out it must be you.

Well, as christians we always need to remember you are not your own person you are not alone, you have a highly effective and very dependable assistant and the Boss you work for is a roll up your sleeves and help out kind of guy, very capable and can make "miracles happen" {(:) Literally!!!!}. So now the biggest question to look at, did you involve them in this "endeavor" No! Well, evaluation over... Nothing else matters.... Go ask the boss what he thinks about the whole situation. (I mean that literally!!!) (Right now, stop ask HIM, what you did wrong (besides not asking him and your assistant to help you when you started the planning and throughout each step).... wait for an answer He may got over all your lists and want you to just be still for a bit, and He will call a meeting and review with you, until then place this file in your PENDING pile and do not touch it until he speaks to you about it.

Okay, you've waited and you have not heard anything... Well, what does that tell you. The Boss says it is not a big deal, and you "work" for him. He is not screaming at you, He is not blaming you and questioning your mental and intellectual abilities. (That's Mercy and Grace) Your assistant does not feel that you did a bad job either considering you were handling everything yourself and He says you are capable and valuable to him and the Boss. So that is 2 to 1. And best of all. The Boss is GOD the creator, if he says you are Great, he should know. And he also says "if he is with you who could be against you (that matters)" "Don't worry, He will provide a way and will take care of you and all your needs" When you are looking back and making notes for the future endeavors plan on having an organization meeting with the Boss and your assistant first. Remember you can have daily meetings to just kick around ideas and receive the much needed "Goal achievement counseling". Shake off the failure, you are forgiven in all things. Christ and God do not condemn us, they encourage, Love and support us so who are you going to listen to, someone who can give "constructive criticism" with Love, actually change your bad habits, fulfill the lackings you have in abilities or skills and who actual makes the finally evaluation. This is all temporary. He has your "performance appraisal" and he says your are proficient and improving, you are in a performance improving program and working diligently and with good faith in achieve the goals HE has set for you. You work well with your assistant and the assistant feels you are dependable, a pleasure to work with and very focused on the future ahead. Now that is a great Goal to achieve, that can be your result and determination you receive when you "reflect" on a situation.

****Listen to Mercy came running again**********
Bring any personal examples to mind? Can you see His face???? Can you see Mercy coming toward you, reach out and grab it!! Receive it..

Feeling ill-equipped and lacking in many areas

**Play "Does Anyone Hear Her"(Use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right)

Do you ever feel like you are less than equipped and gifted at many of the skills and talents for your daily tasks, not to mention any creative endeavors or other activities? Can you make a list of 3 gifts (natural abilities) and 3 talents (skills or abilities)? tick tock tick tock tick tock. beep

Okay how did you do? Well, keep working on it, if you can't complete the list right now, think about it and ask God to reveal them to you. If you could not come up with any, that is okay, they are just hidden to you. Call someone and ask them, "If you had to list 3 gifts or talents of mine what would you say"? Write it down. (This can be a big esteem builder)

A scripture I turn to allot is 2 Peter 1:2-8 (NIV) (comments and Emphasis are mine :)
I like this one with the colors to enhance the connections. Red is for the blood or to refer to Jesus Christ. Green is to signify growth as our knowledge grows deeper and deeper. Gold is to make us think of God in Heaven!!! Purple is the regal and royal benefits were receive as Children of the King.

Grace and peace be YOURS in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness: and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; And to godliness, brotherly (and sisterly) kindness; and to brotherly (or sisterly) kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

If God says, (and he CANNOT LIE) you are all that and a bag of carrots, shouldn't you treat yourself like you are. Look up what else Christ and God the Father say about you. That is the truth. If you knew you had $100.00 (okay I am cheap, but focus on the point) hid in your house, wouldn't you go look for it? Well, inside of you there ARE gifts and talents hidden (at least to you) go hunting and find them. Pray and ask for God to reveal your goodness to you. Once you see it, everything looks different. You may rekindle a past hobby or find completely new talents and gifts you did not realize where in you. Seek and ye shall find....

Life

This is a "poem" (my own style, not really obeying any of the "rules" of poetry) that I wrote, most of them will be files uploaded to the Dot's Literary and Creative Expressions link over to the right of the page -----> But, I just finished this one and it goes along with the last few postings and I "decided" to just post it here. The greatest thing about writing on the computer is the ability to enhance with color. I love a rainbow and I think color gets our attention and makes the meaning really soak in to our brains and heart.
Red- is of course the color of his blood,
Green is "nature or organic (not man made, not artifical, simply Divine) and
Purple, is royalty, regal, very special, extraordinary.

**Play "If We Are The Body" (click the title on the playlist player to the right)**

The time lived from birth to death,
efforts, choices, mistakes made
It all started with one breathe
He breathed in and you were created
decisions to advace self separated us from Him
He was not offended, He understood
He loved us enough to cover us
He gave His Son's life for us
We were saved, understood and loved
He requires nothing for it, that is Grace
but, shouldn't we love each other?
we weren't good but He loved us still
Isn't that enough to want to do His will
Some say NO!, we don't need to bother
we can live without one thing to have to consider
But, He is in us, so we should want to
Since He is in them too, and others will see Him
If we love like He loved us we are doing his will to them
our love, is His love, if received, they believe and Live
Living in Him, is acknowledging the Breath within

Depression and Anxiety and Faith

**Play "My Father's Eyes by Eric Clapton" (use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right)

Oh no, they said I am Depressed, Anxious-Panic dysfunctional.

No they did not! They said, you are experiencing depression SYMPTOMS and that you are having Anxiety-Panic attacks which are a dysfunction-a non functional response to situations or feared situations. There is a big difference, and YOU are aware of this "sensitivity" and you need to adjust some things as you would if you were allergic to something. Many people continue with life as usually and just know they will have to carry an epi pen or take an antihistamine to block the substance they are allergic to. Others, have more respect for the "sensitivity" and take steps to avoid the triggers or they use the epi pen to "treat" the effects of the exposure to the substance they are allergic to. You can do the same. Some conditions will require medication for a time or maybe long term but sometimes, if you are willing to be more dilligent with the adjustments you can control the symptoms without the medication or switch to natural supplements. That will be all on that "Decision" it is really something that needs to be prayed about, and talk over with the Medical professional and the councelor. It is funny to watch our (all human) plans and determinations be reorganized by God. Our plans are not His, and our Ways are not His and He is ultimately in control. AMEN!!!!

I like to think of scripture and music as my epi pen. And writing as my "mirror" to see how things look. I can catch the fears creeping in and can see the negativity slowly emerging. It is also very healing to read over things that you had written and see new "break throughs" and see the transformations developing. Having a heart of praise is crucial, even when you are at your lowest, even when the only thing you are grateful for (and only half hearted, so you feel) is that you woke up this morning. Start there, and ask for that thankfulness to be increased. Sometimes, I start with Acknowledging God and his greatness, I like to do things backwards so I usually start with the negatives that I have seen him turn around. Some are so embarrasing to admit, but it is just Him and myself and he know them already, but oh how much he loves when we can humbly and appreciatively say, I begged, pleaded, demanded... (okay you get the idea :) ) and instead you gave me...., I prayed and thought I had your leading and I endeavored to .... and oh, how could I have been so wrong, what a mess, but you were faithful, even when I was not and you taught me... you carried me most of the way and set me down on firm ground and gave me such a reminder. I pick songs by the lyrics and use them to either encourage or to hear a negative and mentally "correct" that thought. Music helps the emotional be turned into something more managable, thoughts.. those can be controlled easier.

Scripture is like the best prescription: Memorize it, meditate on it. It is God talking to you, (carefully and respectfully.. after grasping the intended meaning) personalize the scripture, add your name and the specifics of what you are going through. Write it on a 3 X 5 index card and carry it with you, look at it often, hold it, OWN it. Do Not add extra meaning to it, though like the last line "the fruit of the womb is a reward," The lack of is not therefore a curse or punishment. Keep a close watch on the wording and the intended meaning. The scripture serves a specific purpose that should not be changed, just enhance the signifance to you.

**Play "My Fathers Eyes by Eric Clapton" (Click on the title on the playlist player to the right, make sure you get the right one!)
Answer, although difficult it makes all the difference in the world.
Phillipians 4:4-6
Rejoice in the Lord always. (notice what it say and then "BAM" .(period, not but's, if this then that, Just what and when) Again (incase you missed it the first time, with all your "say what, how, you don't know what I am going through") I will say, Rejoice! ("Bam and exclaimation, point) Let your gentleness( if he ordered it you must have it somewhere, check under the guilt :)) be known to all (even the ones that hurt or irritate you)men The Lord is at hand. (He is present, no sin allowed, if you need help ASK!!!) (Do unto the Lord, he is watching you from close proximity!!!)
Be Anxious (who me,) for nothing (not a thing, person, place, emotion....) but (your favorite word) in everything (all things, people, emotions....) by prayer and supplication, (humble prayer, petition) with THANKSGIVING (not the turkey holiday, your favorite, the "feeling"!!! or more importantly the decision to be thankful), let your requests be made known to God; and the peace (tranquility, calmness) of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard (protect) your hearts and MINDS!!! through Christ Jesus (who is inside of you, around you, under you and over you, you are sealed and noting you do, say, feel will remove HIM)

And how fitting this comes next, Psalms 94:19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me, YOUR comforts delight my soul.


Proverbs 12:25 sheds some light on this subject:
Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But good(all good comes from God, so make sure it is Truthful) word makes it glad.


One I use alot.. is Psalm 127:1-3
Note: in ancient times family was often referred to as house or household, so keep that in mind when reading this.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
They Labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain
It is vain for you to rise up early,
to sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He give His beloved sleep,
Behold Children are a heritage from the Lord
The fruit of the womb is a reward

My enhanced personal version:

Unless (If) the Lord builds the house (family)
They (anyone but God) labor in vain (to no avail) who build it
Unless the Lord guards (protects, binds) the city
The watchman stays awake in vain (to no avail)
It is vain (to no avail) to rise up early (WHOA!!!, I know get up as necessary for and according to your leading)
To sit up late (only make you tired and grumpy)
To eat the bread of sorrows (yeah!! I can not afford the calories or the bad attitude that follow)
For so HE( the Lord) gives (gift-not earned, not loan-no repayment !!!) His beloved( deeply cared for) sleep (Ah!!!)
Behold, (Hear this,) Children ARE a heritage (legacy, very much planned, not a mistake or poor planning or anything you decided, a part of your past, present and future forever!!!!) from (given by) the Lord (not anyone, any science, any plan but HIS)
The fruit (same as "by their fruit they are known" hint hint!!!) of the womb IS a reward (not a mistake or curse or anything else, but an award from HIM!!!)

Sometimes we need a little extra help to drive the points home. Christ only has good intended for us, He is not up there with a trident poking at us and pushing us around like chess pieces, we are LOVED and he intends the best, we just get a little wiggly sometime and he has to bop us on the head and drill some wisdom in that Huge open area inside our brains. His plans are for good not evil, but we do not know everything, there are mysteries that have been in the scriptures of thousands of years. Do we really think reading and rationalizing everything through our brains is going to reveal everything, What, How, When, and Why.... what would be do with all our time if we knew when he was coming? Can you imagine...Our schedules, our debts, our lack of caring, We would just wait and let Him take care of things when he got back. But, the anticipation and needing to do his work until He returns can keep us busy doing good things, thinking good thoughts caring for each other and loving one another.

Emotions, Thoughts and Feelings, Good, Bad and the Disorders

****Play "Set Me Free" Your will probably need a kleenex too***** (Use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right)

Our Mind, Bodies and Souls are intricately woven together in a purposeful and meaningful design. Emotions, Thoughts and Feelings are all very different but yet can be blended together sometimes so you cannot tell which is which. Negative emotions and feelings do serve a purpose at assigned times, but when they reveal themselves at unseasonal times or in ways that are not controllable then there is reason to be concerned. There are spectrum's of everything, and even negative emotions,thoughts and feelings run on a spectrum from normal to dysfunctional. How do you know when you have crossed that point that you need help? And, oh if you do where do you go. What will people think? Isn't your faith the problem? It only takes a mustard seed worth to be turned over to God to work it out. Your faith is part of you, you just have to decide to use it and approach the Throne.


Our bodies are temples for the Lord, if the temple is in an ill condition it needs to be taken notice of, the Truth is always our desire. If your are experiencing emotions, feelings and thoughts that are not your willingly, conscious and hearts desire, that needs to be given utmost attention. If you are willfully feeling, Thinking and expressing your emotions in negative and inappropriate ways that is of concern and should be looked at also, but that has its own natural consequences and that is a job for the Holy Spirit to bring that revelation to you. Hopefully those that have to suffer because you are having your way are praying for you and you will quickly come to realize your sin and want to stop and you will pray for yourself and ask the Heavenly Father to help you and this ugly experience can be turned around. The is always a way out, we just do not always want to bend down and crawl out. We think we deserve better and things should work differently.

The best plan is to talk to the Creator, He will know if you have a design flaw and how to fix it or how to impart the wisdom for you to know what to do about it. Prayer is one of the most powerful, encouraging, and truly transforming gifts we have. In my humble opinion there is nothing as encouraging and uplifting as someone putting their arm around you and saying, "I am praying for you" and they do not even know why, just that you were laid on their heart. That is good for the "normal" blue feelings, little irritable a little self loathing, feelings of loneliness, loss of interest, loss of significance but, what about the deep, dark, "Can't even get out of bed-Crumbling on the inside". Scripture can help to, but you need to have the light of Truth turned on to see it, during these times it can seem like it is attacking you, what then. You talk to friends and family and feel worse, and now they are worried or disappointed and on top of the other issues, now you add failure to the list. Call someone to pray with you, if you choose carefully, most people are not going to ask allot of questions, they will pray with you and just ask the Lord to minister to you in whatever way he knows you need it. Do not be ashamed or fearful of men and boldly approach the Lord, your Loving Heavenly Father.

First question to ask is what is real, what am I thinking and what am I responding and reacting to (need to be able to tell the difference). Denying your feelings does not mean the same thing as controlling them. Although you can make the Decision to not react to things, and to delay responding until you have a chance to switch into a cognitive "thinking only" mode. Just "letting it role off, does not do the same thing as deciding to not let it affect you. Sometimes things roll off temporarily and then stack up into a bigger "feeling" later. Being humans we tend to have reactions to changes in our power, even when we decide to do the right thing, it can sometimes bring out emotional reactions or feelings that are less than desirable. The standard we like to try to follow is being easy going, happy all the time, quickly forgiving, nothing sticks, never jaded or offended. It is a great goal, but it is not reality and that is not even the example the Bible gives. Sometimes people say the darnedest things. Sometimes it is just a quick response they are not really clued into the full dynamics of the situation and other times it is just our human curse. People have opinions and thoughts of their own and they are not always correct and really what the Bible says to help us. Christ was angry sometimes, He was "troubled in spirit", He cried, He had to take a minute and consult and pray to the Father for guidance. And then like all other "troubles, and sicknesses and ailments we have to consider the sin factor. Our humanism, our "Me'-ist" need is flaring its ugly head. Discernment is crucial in sorting out the cause and solution to the out of control sensation you are experiencing. Seeking help is not to be avoided, it is Biblical to seek counsel. "Lean not on your own understanding". Just be wise about the assistance you seek, and make sure you are clear and firm about not wanting "to just feel better" or "a quick fix (IE medication)", that you want to find out the problem and decided on how to best treat it.

Many medical conditions from sleep disorders, side effect of medicine, to psoriasis can have emotional indications or uncomfortable feelings. Do not just assume it is "just" depression and hide and avoid the uncomfortable process of diagnosing and treating the symptoms root cause.
Depression is a very real medical condition and should not be ignored, do your research so you are knowledgeable about the symptoms, how it can manifest in physical symptoms like nausea, headaches, fatigue, muscle aches and pains. Anxiety is another medical condition that needs to be given consideration. It can sometimes be acute and it has symptoms that you may or may not realize, shortness of breath, rapid sweating, sore throat (suddenly, like a dry throat), dry mouth. It can also trigger emotional responses that can come on suddenly (and be very overwhelming and irritating) which can be hard to manage and control. Not to repeat myself, but Do not avoid getting help because your thoughts and fears are telling you it is going to be difficult, embarrassing or whatever excuse you come up with. The Truth, noting but the Truth. Your are not "feeling" right!! You need help!!! GO and get it, just be wise and be honest, and do not look for comfort or quickness, and cures. Just like most things it will probably be a process but as with all other endeavors persevere. (Finish the Race!!!)

Testimony-Witness-What other people think

**Play "The Word Is Alive" (use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right)

These words that are very important in my life and have significant lessons attached. Bible verses that give us the meanings and how Christ discussed these words were drilled into me in Sunday School and at my friends houses and they were the publicly accepted thinking years ago.

Testimony-evidence given about something-usually someone standing up in church and telling how Christ change them, how they were going down a long, dark, lonely path and they finally reached a place where they saw a light and felt a hand.

Believe- Trust in, firm conviction about-the only thing Christ requires of us to receive our salvation, something we need to do for each other-believe in them; this was not intended to be a marker of a weak person, quite the opposite. Effected by the honesty and integrity of the person that provided the witness.

Testify- the act of bearing witness (person who provideds evidence) what is said. Authority of the person can affect the reception that is given.

Wisdom-ability to discern right from wrong. Needed to make good decisions and to handle tough situations.

These things used to be very important and highly valued. My dad used to say, "you can tell people all day long how good you do something, but to have someone speak on your behalf is much more compelling and is given much more consideration. You need to make sure you show what you are about, so others can speak for you, and make your words true".

When I was growing up there was a great song, about getting to heaven and seeing people again and them coming and thanking you for things you did not think anyone noticed, people you did not even know where helped, lead to Christ.

Today these ideals are more joked about and inside of the spoken word being important, today "physical evidence" is demanded and then arguments about it are expressed. People play on the believing, and trusting but, do not care much about the testimony of people, because it comes down to proof, verses appealing to a persons conscience and knowledge of right and wrong. If you still live by these ideals and they are goals and standards you try to achieve you are in the minority. Does that mean they are not important or true anymore. As christians we still testify about Christ and that He is alive and moving among us. We still give our testimony in court and in church, we go out Witnessing. But we also talk about people and people "think" and start rumors about people, that are usually only 1/2 true and in the end cause more damage than good. What changed?

We got away from using the Bible as our guidebook, and looking to Christ's example. We testify that the Bible is living and is just as true today as the day it was scribed on the Papyrus fibers. Well then we should go back to reading, and doing what is written. Trust and obey, walk by faith, pray without ceasing, pray for each other, reproof each other and love one another are very real mandates and if we were doing these our witnesses to the lost would carry more weight.

1 John 5:6-11 really puts everything into perspective:
This is He who came by water and blood-Jesus Christ; not only by water, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who bears witness, because the Spirit is truth. For there are three that bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit; and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness on earth: the Spirit, the Water, and the Blood; and these three agree as one. If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater; for this is the witness of God which He has testified of His Son. He who believes in the Son of God has the witness in himself; he who does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony, that God has given of His Son. And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His son.

When you look at that passage it makes 3 things crystal clear: 1. God is the Authority all things are under him (people, powers, and even his beloved Son) If christ is for Us who can be against us? 2. Jesus Christ made all things possible, salvation, the Love of the father, and our justification. and 3. Our Testimony is Jesus Christ, nothing before that matters and nothing after that measures more than that. (What a freeing thought... no sin, no earthly struggle is more than the your Witness, Jesus Christ is going to testify to the Father for you. "They believe in me Father, therefore I am in them, that is all God needs to hear. Not that the other evidence that he has will not be presented, but more for a question "With all that you were given and all that I wrote you (THE BIBLE) why were you not a doer of the word"? If we put our minds and hearts to the things Christ was about this, we could give everyone the Word. That is what most of the Bible talks about, Nature testifies everyday that GOD created this world, we still do not know every plant, animal, chemical and can't explain most of our world. The Children of Israel testified to Egypt that God was in control not their gods, even the most powerful Egyptian, Pharoah learned of Gods power and the price of not obeying the True God. Person after person in the Bible, shows God in another way so that everyone can "see" they can believe and receive. What is your Testimony? Who is your witness? Is there enough evidence to convict you of being in Christ (CHRIST-IaN)? You are either serving a LIFE sentence with Christ or without him. The testimony has been given, God created you to be with him, sin came and separated you forever, Christ came was baptised, was crucified and rose again so that you could be redeemed, will you believe and walk in his footsteps to reunited with the Father or will you deny the testimony, provide a rebuttle and live a lifetime without him. You have Freewill and Freedom to do whatever you want, even when you are saved, you just can't enjoy sin because Christ is in you and it breaks his heart, which is your heart. With the internet and local churches in every city and town, receiving you gift is a click away or just down the road. If you seek Him you will find Him. Jeremiah 29:11-12.

Spring

**Play "In A Little While" (Use the > key and scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right)

With Spring coming I start to really think about the seasons, the bible makes several references to things in their season, or seasons for certain activities. Planning and preparing are always good ways to ensure that the important things and activities get a place in the schedule, that you do not miss an opportunity due to lack or misplanning. Especially with Easter I think about Christ's work, his betrayal (struggles) his sacrifice and his reward (resurrection). What a powerful reminder that because I am saved, I follow his path,and my struggles will give way to a reward if I am faithful and fullfill the work God has laid out for me to do, I can pray and cryout just like Christ did in the Garden and when the Father speaks; I dry my face and get on with it.

What hope, everytime I see a blue sky it is like a post-n-note from God, "saying stick with it kid I have a great plan for you". A gray sky is like a "pop quiz" you have to remember God is with you even on the gray days. So I have blue around me all the time, lest I forget. And unlike "friends" who can be seasonal, Sisters in Christ are there to gentle remind you if you start to "wilt in spirit", Love is always in season.

Plants are something I think about when I talk about seasons. They are like mini examples of life, not everything comes all at one time, patience, perseverance, compassion they all have situations(seasons). Certain plants grow in the spring, some in the summer,others in fall and still others in the winter. There is preparation, you must plant them at a certain time to allow them to germinate and grow in their proper season. Sometimes you can plant late and everything works out, you are the only one still harvesting tomatoes in October, (when weather permits :)) however, somethings will not go past their designed season, and you lose the enjoyment earlier than if you had planned at the right time. If we look at scripture a lot of examples of Nature, (plants are used to make object lessons)Warnings about idolness and neglecting duties will result in thistles,(unplanned plants that if we are not discerning and careful look like flowers and kill our "planned" garden). God gave us Nature and then the Bible and then Knowledge and then Wisdom. If we work it backwards, we take our wisdom to trace everything back to its source. We use our knowledge to sort out, research, rationalize,memorize and learn the significance of the item. We use the Bible and our Knowledge and Wisdom to Discern Gods plan, purpose and message to us and we use Nature to "see" Gods message and have a reminders of His preparation and plan for us and the current season and the seasons to come.

Fear

**Play Here I Go Again and What If I Stumble" (use the > key and scroll down to the title, click on the bar on the playlist player)**

FEAR is a four letter word, and I try to avoid them, they ared usually "bad" words or quick answers that would be better served with a different word. I like to turn words into acronyms by turning the word vertical and coming up with a word for each letter that defines the word.

F-Firm
E-Emotional
A-Adverse
R-Reaction

That pretty much explains why F.E.A.R.S cause so much pain and aggrevation to not only the person that suffers them, but people around that get aggrevated by the illogical behavior of their family members or friend. F.E.A.R.S are very real and overwhelming to those that suffer from them, I am not talking about those, uncomfortable feelings we all have to things like the dark, scary things from our past, negative outcomes, loss. I am speaking of the bone chilling, stop-you-in-your tracks, crying your eyes out, gut wrenching F.E.A.R.S about things that are life altering or at least mind altering because you cannot rationally explain most of it, the adversity is not viewed as bad by others but to you it is the worst thing you can think of and you would prefer to avoid that situation or thing at all cost. Of course the number of these F.E.A.R.S, really make the magnitude of the pain worse, one or two and you are uncomfortable, emotionally strained and less effective than you could be but not completely down and out. Well, as with any issue of life, scripture has a word about fear or F.E.A.R. and it is most helpful when they are at their worst. First of all it defines it simply as dread. That covers everything from being late for something, having someone upset with you, to the big deals of life-marital uncertainty, results from a test, anything that is dreaded fits this resolution. Psalm 27:1 (KJV) The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Okay, I hear you.. That is great and wonderful but that does not help when "reality is in my face" and life as I know it is about to change. How am I supposed to "feel" better and feel like things are going to be okay? Well, 2 verses down says (Psalm 27:3) Though a host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. I love this part. The "THIS" is in verse 1. "The Lord is my salvation, and strength".

Also this verse helps too... Romans 8:28,29 And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his pupose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the first born among many brethen. And he also says in Luke 12:22-31, the part 2 of the solution, And he said unto his disciples, "Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. Consider the ravens; for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls? And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If ye then be not able to that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is to-day in the field, and to-morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will be clothe you, O ye of little faith? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Any Care, worry, anxiety you have, take it to the Lord, who is the only one who can truly make you fear not, and ask him for peace and calmness in this time of need. Read your bible, it is like a personal note from the Father. If you do not understand it, seek for help with it, pray for understanding and help will come. If you do need "earthly assistance" remember to seek godly councel, check all information against scripture and if married talk to your spouse.

Prayer is the best conversation, accomplishes the most and will never be used against you or repeat to anyone.

A, B, C's of Reflecting

**Play "Lead Me On" (Use the > key to scroll down, click on the title bar of the playlist player to the right)

Planning and scheduling are good, but priorities and evaluating things is too. What is the motive, the heart set? What is the gain or loss? Is it worthy of your time (His time)?
When you look at an activity, personality trait, behavior, gift, talent, skill or just about anything you cannot help to think back to earlier times to compare then with now to see if you are getting better, getting worse or staying the same. That is my definition of Reflecting. This is a good thing, as long as it is done in a proper motivation. But, looking back is not good in a wounded spirit or if looking for things lost. Things are taken away to make room for new or better things, trusting God and staying in a good spirit helps to not "reflect" too much. If you notice, regret or anger or any negative attitude developing it is probably a good time to go to your priorities and look at those and remind yourself of what is important to you. And stop and pray, this is a time when the devil would love to get a hold of your mind and heart and take it to a place you do not want to go.

I like to alphabetize things, thoughts, feelings, books, whatever it just helps me break things into workable piles later and not have to keep reorganizing things, it also helps me see progress... when I get to L, I feel 1/2 way done and feel accomplished. Which brings us to the the system, I usually write it down, so I can look over it to see if it is the planning or something that I can change to make it work or if it is a problem with a personality trait or behavior I can really acknowledge it, pray about it and if necessary talk with someone else about it, After I talk to my husband. Even when things look really bad or out of control, they are not that bad, and no matter what God is in control.

If you are married, notice the reminders to involve your husband in this evaluation time it can be scarry at first but when both of you are in the spirit and abiding in the word it can be a great bonding exercise and really helps you both. Then next time will feel more comfortable, but even if you do not enjoy it, keep trying it is very helpful and important to work as a team, and he should be your first contact when you are struggling, he knows you best. If you feel disconnected or that he does not. Pray and then work on that relationship before any others, it will make all the difference in the world. If your not married, select a godly friend, explain what you are trying to do, ask them to pray about it, and get back with you. Make sure they are understanding and will be 100% honest, it will not help you if it is not truthful.

A is for accomplish- What does this accomplish? Have I accomplished this before?
B is for benefit and biblical - Is this a biblical thing? What does the bible say about it? What benefit is this and to whom? If others do they acknowledge, request and need this? Is this something worthy? Do I honestly "want" to do this?
C is for capable and Cost-Are you capable for doing this (consider limitation and disabilities) What does this cost me? Does it cost my family? Is it worth it?
D is for Disciple- Is this something someone else would want to do with me? Is this something worthy of teaching others? Is this something good for teaching my son?
E is for Eternal- Does this have any eternal significance?
F is for Fellowship- Will this assist in fellowship? Is it negatively affecting fellowship?
also for Forgiveness- Is this something I need to ask forgiveness for and turn over to God.
G is for Grace-???? Earthly I cannot explain grace, but from Webster's dictionary it means "favor or goodwill" and "mercy; clemency; pardon" which are all based on the giver more so than the receiver, you do not earn grace, it is given. That is how it is Biblical speaking and with God. and that is where I will draw my knowledge from and how I will "feel". Even though in the past it has been different, I am not going to allow that to cause my to feel or behave negatively.
H- is for hospitality- Is this assisting in my hospitality endeavors? Is this hurting my hospitality endeavors?
I- is for insecurity and interval- is this in an area of insecurity for me? If so get Husbands in put? Pray about it. Ask those that have "seen" or "witnessed" this or if a new activity research it and "take a trial" before commiting to a long term commitment. What interval is this occuring (daily, weekly, monthly, bi..)?
J- is for jeopardy- does thing put you in any physical jeopardy? does this put the family or the calmness of home in any jeopardy? Talk to husband about it.
K- is for kindling- will this help kindle a relationship? will this prevent the kindling of relationship?
L-is for length- what is the length of time involved, of commitment?
M is for money- does it cost any money? does it make any money?
N is for need- does it fulfill any needs? personally or family members or the family as a whole? What is needed for this?
O is for obsticles or opposition- Is there obsticles or opposition involved?
P is for Priorities- is this helping accomplish my personal and family priorities? Is this preventing me/us from fulfilling our priorities? Pray about it. Partner with husband.
Q is for Quality- will this add quality to my/our lives? Is this taking away quality from our lives?
R is for rest- Is this affected by the amount of rest I get? Will this reduce the amount of rest I get?
S is for satisfaction- What is the satisfaction in doing this? Is there any (negative) satisfaction in this? Does this bring satisfaction to others besides myself? If not look at needs and priorities.
T is for testimony and teaching- does this help with my/our testimony? does this teach our son a good thing or a bad thing?
U is for unity- does this unify anything? does this break unity? Can this help our family to unify in an activity that benefits others?
V is for value- what is the value of this? Who will value this? Does this need to be done or stopped to uphold one of my/our values?
W is for worship- who does this worship (people or God)? Does this affect my/our worship time?
X, Y and Z do not have anything assigned.

Beginning A New....

****Play "Stained Glass Masquerade"*(Use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right)********

It is funny at 37, you think you have finally worked out all the insecurities and fears from those awkward developmental years. For me however, I think they are getting worse, or maybe I just never worked them completely out, but that was then this is now. With April only a few months away, I began to reflect and look back at last year, the year before that and I found a trend that I really did not like. I am not the person, I was and I am not the "real" me. Why???? because the people I like and want to spend time with, will not like me, and then I will be alone. AND...???? Is this true, have they said that??? Shame on them if they did, but what is worse, them not liking YOU or you trying to be something your not, trying to be, something you think they want you to be. WHO ARE YOU????? Why were you created????? (oh, I hate these conversations about myself). So I decided to actually talk to real people. And to stop being so afraid of someone not wanting me and live my life, according to what I believe and be the girl-woman I was created to be. Happy, secure, out going and not the scarred little mouse I have degressed into. It is hard to believe I have changed so much, but it is true. Weight up and down and up, up and down, down, (moods and attitude follow the wieght) hair color, hair style, makeup, more makeup, clothes, personality, even gave in on some beliefs. I was always the outgoing, talk to everyone, show strong beliefs and secure enough to stand up for what I believe and had confidence in myself. Over the years, I have caved in so much, I had almost forgotten my core beliefs, I have tried to see everyones needs, wants, beliefs and standards and meet or exceed them before they could tell me, that I feel like I have been blown back and forward like an old weathered flag. I try not to say to much, because it seems everything I say is misunderstood and if I am not careful I will show my naivity and immaturity and will wreck my chances of fitting in and open myself to being taken advantage of again.

Then one day in my daily quiet time of asking "why am I doing these jobs that I am clearly not cut out for, why can't I go back to the office, I was good there? or go back to school. Like a bolt of lighting, with a huge roar I heard Oh you were??? Good at being what????? Whatever was needed, when it was needed, for whomever thought they needed it. (whether they "asked for it or not) And what scripture is that..???? You wanted to raise your child and "Walk closer and stronger", you wanted time to get to know the scriptures for yourself so you would not be lead somewhere that you should not be because you were too trusting. How are you supposed to do that and be there??? Did you not ask and I gave you "your hearts desire"????

OH MY Goodness!!!! How blind in one eye and just not even using the other... I am a complete idot and "double minded". Again the Rumble voice, "NO you are not, I did not create you incapable or ungifted you choose to "feel" that way and then would not listen when you are told you are gifted, smart, and sometimes even enjoyable to be around. You Are Fearfully and wonderfully made!!! stop reading so much and start thinking, use the wisdom you are given, and hearing... 1Timothy 6:6 And it is, indeed, a source of immense profit, for godliness accompanied with contentment (that contentment which is a sense of inward sufficiency) is great and abundant gain.
Since that day many months ago it seems I have been trying to "let loose and be me and the giggles and freedom are slightly unnerving, I am not a giggly kind of person, too afraid to be thought of as an airhead or just a dumb blonde. (the roots go deep) But, I just can't help myself to look back over the last few years , on this side of the great swamp that I have been plucked from makes me giddy. I would sing it from the mountain tops, but that would just be noise....

Instead I decided, I will tell anyone who wants to hear, I am searching for ways to share my rekindled joy, security and "Knowledge and understanding of the God that scripture talks about, and so many of the verses have deep personal lessons and much encouragement. But, to find things you have to want them, and search for them, and ask for them. I do not feel like I am a "gifted" teacher or mentor or anything like that, but I have on great authority that I am a good friend and have a very clear heart and that is what I want to share with those that want it, but I do not want to bother someone who does not so I am choosing to write and post, invite and see where things go. If it is meant to be used, He will use it. If not, I can share what is on my heart and have a place to store things for those who may want them later. It can be a Legacy for my son and family.