I AM NOT CRYING!!! "My Eyes and Brain are sweating" ~&~

Tears are not a sign of weakness or lessness..they are usually signs of pain.
Tears can quickly dry up like the rain, and do not mean the person is insane,
Tears flow for many reasons...all tears are not created the same!                                                           Tears are not to blame or to be used to make the bearer lame.
Tears can clean the air and make relations fresh.
Tears are sometimes brought on by fear                                                                            

Recently (Last 3 years!!) I have become EXTREMELY emotional and MORE Anxious than ever (which was already pretty high---jumping out of my skin kind of reaction to conflict and hostility).  During this time, I have learned people do not know how to handle tears and emotional outbursts. (effectively).  This discovery utterly amazed me, since everyone has emotions.  I began a mission to conquer and see how the other side lives.. those with COMPLETE CONTROL at all times, never see them rattled, shaken, stirred... cool as ice and always articulate and on point.

Yeah...HA HA HA!!!!   What I found was a complete disconnect from how they act, what they say and what is really going on.  Just 'cause you don't see the meltdowns and outbursts, doesn't mean they do not occur!  Just because someone "TELLS you" they are in control of themselves and everyone around them.. well talk is cheap and can leave people in heaps.

Slowly I realized.. Uniqueness and personal choices go way deeper than the eyelashes.  And when health issues are added to the daily mix of life.. well tears can roll.

Health problems, especially CHRONIC Fatigue and Fibromyalgia (CHRONIC PAIN), Digestive problems AND emotional issues make for an interesting mix of challenges.  Nothing is impossible.  ALL THINGS (SITUATIONS & CIRCUMSTANCES, not people) are possible to overcome with enough thought, caring, determination, strength and patience (FAITH in something bigger than yourself and this green earth, helps!!!).

Knowledge brings understanding, understanding brings an informed opinion to find solutions (to the challenges, situations and circumstances (not the people).  People need basic things, COMPASSION! Acceptance (does not have to be completely understanding--all things about them or the responses, but participating with them and allow them to be themselves (tears and all), LOVE (Unconditional -TRUE and Longsuffering "get through anything" kind of committed affection and admiration of their personal makeup, (not their talents, abilities, disabilities or the such..).  Everything else is obtainable, once a person has a ground on which to run for the stars and work and function in a positive environment.~~~~~~~

Sadly, sarcastic, humorous, intellectual ("theological, philosophical or just radical talking points) political and selfish ways have replaced the old fashion personal interaction skills and methods that produce positive and encouraging learning environments and relatioships.  When you NEED positive and stable environments in order to compensate for your personal internal well-being and instead are torn down, depleted and brusied and battered from working against the flow of negativity, personal and professional attacks and unproductive exchanges and missed goal achievements it can leave a person a tad, EMOTIONAL.  Especially when the people portray and promise quite a different return on the investment of joining with them in a relationship and are seen behaving differently to others.  One has to wonder, "Is it me that makes them act and talk like this"?????

I have learned through trial and error, lots of soul searching and experimenting AND PROFESSIONAL Counceling.  That NO! it is not me nor anyone else that can be blamed for the unflattering and unkind behavior, speech, uncommittal and unproductive behaviors.  CHOICES!! are made every second.. reactions are choices... responses are needed but when, how, where and what kind of response is all up to the person giving the reaction.  If they are acting on poor internal beliefs and feelings (EMOTIONS) they will respond poorly and that is their decision to "go with the flow of how they are feeling at the moment".

EVERYONE needs to be respectful, thoughtful and purposed with how they respond to people, situations and circumstances.  Always rememebering people are involved and that every complex and big decision comes down to the effect it will have on the people involved.

Next time you see someone crying... how will you respond?????  Trying thinking differently and see if the reactions are different...  Doing the right thing is not about trying to control the current situation but more out the end result..it is investing in the future.  Wear waterproof clothing and stand back a few feet and ACCEPT the person and the tears might diminish.. 

TODAY is a NEW DAY! You CAN make it a fresh start!

One of the hardest parts of walking by Faith, is the rememberence of days of the past. Especially when you don't sleep the days do not have the "breaks" that others have and with the challenges of living with health problems and depression the thoughts, feelings and emotional expressions are not always "fresh and positive".

But luckily with my Faith and reliance on Him (God, who I believe created ME, the crazy, very unique and mostly thoughtful, zaney, loving women) I devote the majority of my time and mental processing to studying, applying and memorizing the promises in scripture. (the order is very purposed, I learn, analyze and then apply them to my life, THEN I memorize the words. Once you have applied them they truly "touch and heal" you. I scour the scriptures for words when I need them, I pray over them and I rely on HIM! (GOD). I pray that He brings people in my life (and inbox :) that will encourage, redirect and guide me, but I have the security and discernment to know when things are from God, they surround my heart, lift me and bring me running to Him like a young child.

Though none go with me on my path, God has shown me they are not far away, but my eyes are on him and on the mirror to examine those things that He shows me.

Another life changing thing was the awareness the I was special, just as I am... I was "good enough for the most precious gift... SALVATION! just as I was.. and God showed me hundreds of verses and applications of those verses to encourage me that although I truly "failed" in so many areas and in so many peoples eyes I was the epic disappointment and most frustrating aspect of their life, to Christ I am his friend and pleasure, just as I was created to be.. FINALLY I can do something right.. and from that "treasure" it has been an uphill journey, and I will not stop until I am at the feet of my Lord and Savior.

It is not easy, it is not always fun, quite the contray, but He warned me that "you will have many trials" and there will be "times of sorrow", however, he also promises that He is always with me and my favorite promise that I stake my life on; "I KNOW the plans I have for you, for good not calamity". He keeps my feet on the rocks, (HE is the cornerstone!) and His love lifted me from the pit, and continues to lift me.

This life is practice, and helps me see Him and his awesome love every hour. It gives me the opportunity to share the awesome love and truth that His ways are far above this world and I freely choose everyday to get up and walk as much as I can, crawl when I have to, and even just stand! (never lying down again, for He who is in me strengthens me). When I am at my end.. When I am DONE, I just let go and let Him take the yoke and I rest in His loving arms.

YOU WILL NEVER GO DOWN AGAIN, unless you choose to... HE IS THERE, and HE WILL GUIDE YOU TO CALL THE RIGHT PERSON TO COME and lift you up, wash you off and lead you to Him again.

You are never alone! (unless that is your choice) :)

You have the power, You always have a friend... Just call on Him. and choose to live.

Making things better, starts with change attitudes, views and the person in the MIRROR (YOU)

Man I have learned things this week about people I care deeply about that just shocked me like a million volts and totally shook my heart to the breaking point, but it did not break! because it is "moist" and supple clay in the hands of the MASTER!, He gentle massaged me and told me, "Be still Child, KNOW that I am God". "Your comforter and healer" and "this is not your battle, Stand and be ready when I lead you, but for now Stand on the promises I have given you. (I think that is a paraphaze of a couple of verses! not a quote to my knowledge).


All the talk about Michael Jackson and his unexpected death is so mean spirited some times. He was a great song writer and musician, he lived differently that I do and I believe is "right" but I still cried and felt so bad that his life ended like it did. I cry everytime I see his children and think of how they now do not have a father, that they truly loved and why??? I feel bad for the doctor who must face the decisions he made and knowing that a minimum he was there, taking orders from a child at the time Michael Jackson was in distress and things that "might" have saved or at least relieved the immediate distress were not done that many medical peers have said should have been done. The irony in Michael Jackson's life, music and unfortunate death are heart breaking and raise lots of questions in many areanas, Spiritual, Mental Health, Drug Therapy, Medical, Legal, Social/Family Services... so many questions that we just cannot answer the How, and Why, but we can make sure this never happens again.

One of his songs that really never got alot of playtime that I can remember, but that hold lots of meaning and purpose for many things,

"Heal the World"

Listen to the words and hear the positive and the encouragement to care... Pray about what this can lead you to do.... We all have something we can do, some need to start right inside their walls, others need to only pick up the phone and call a family member or friend, take a step in faith and spread love and compassion in every step. God is love, He loved enough to give HIS ONLY SON, (ONE WAY)! He loves enough to wait, He does not condemn, call names, list a persons sins and short comings, remember Matthew, Nicodemious, the Samaritan Women at the Well, (WOW!! that is three strikes in one... what a looser) or Yeah, and best example of all Judius!) He loved them all, he cared for them, respected them and encouraged them. He is our example, We are "FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST"

and you have it, will you share it? can others believe it, do they see it in you? do you care they can't? Will you change? How are you going to make a difference? How are you going to share?