One of the hardest parts of walking by Faith, is the rememberence of days of the past. Especially when you don't sleep the days do not have the "breaks" that others have and with the challenges of living with health problems and depression the thoughts, feelings and emotional expressions are not always "fresh and positive".
But luckily with my Faith and reliance on Him (God, who I believe created ME, the crazy, very unique and mostly thoughtful, zaney, loving women) I devote the majority of my time and mental processing to studying, applying and memorizing the promises in scripture. (the order is very purposed, I learn, analyze and then apply them to my life, THEN I memorize the words. Once you have applied them they truly "touch and heal" you. I scour the scriptures for words when I need them, I pray over them and I rely on HIM! (GOD). I pray that He brings people in my life (and inbox :) that will encourage, redirect and guide me, but I have the security and discernment to know when things are from God, they surround my heart, lift me and bring me running to Him like a young child.
Though none go with me on my path, God has shown me they are not far away, but my eyes are on him and on the mirror to examine those things that He shows me.
Another life changing thing was the awareness the I was special, just as I am... I was "good enough for the most precious gift... SALVATION! just as I was.. and God showed me hundreds of verses and applications of those verses to encourage me that although I truly "failed" in so many areas and in so many peoples eyes I was the epic disappointment and most frustrating aspect of their life, to Christ I am his friend and pleasure, just as I was created to be.. FINALLY I can do something right.. and from that "treasure" it has been an uphill journey, and I will not stop until I am at the feet of my Lord and Savior.
It is not easy, it is not always fun, quite the contray, but He warned me that "you will have many trials" and there will be "times of sorrow", however, he also promises that He is always with me and my favorite promise that I stake my life on; "I KNOW the plans I have for you, for good not calamity". He keeps my feet on the rocks, (HE is the cornerstone!) and His love lifted me from the pit, and continues to lift me.
This life is practice, and helps me see Him and his awesome love every hour. It gives me the opportunity to share the awesome love and truth that His ways are far above this world and I freely choose everyday to get up and walk as much as I can, crawl when I have to, and even just stand! (never lying down again, for He who is in me strengthens me). When I am at my end.. When I am DONE, I just let go and let Him take the yoke and I rest in His loving arms.
YOU WILL NEVER GO DOWN AGAIN, unless you choose to... HE IS THERE, and HE WILL GUIDE YOU TO CALL THE RIGHT PERSON TO COME and lift you up, wash you off and lead you to Him again.
You are never alone! (unless that is your choice) :)
You have the power, You always have a friend... Just call on Him. and choose to live.
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