One step at a time...
Life gets really complicated sometimes and seeing the way becomes a challenge. Chronic health problems, illnesses, circumstances, other people's expectations, needs, desires; and our own expectations, needs and desires, weigh heavy and become mountains that (seem) UNapproachable or able to climbed.
If you let them! Well not anymore, I am tired of being sick and sick of being tired. Circumstances and lacking that was not my choice or doing have overwhelmed the gentle balance of Serenity and Motivation that I had enjoyed. Although, not as often as I could have had it, but more than I have now and it is just NOT okay. I have cried, whined, PRAYED, read, researched, discussed, tried and not accomplished a return to the healthy, happy side of life. I got MAD, I got sad, I got down, I got determined this was not going to continue.
WHEN (not if!) things go horribly wrong and become super complex and complicated it is time to review, evaluate and simplify. It has been a long, slow and disappointing process but.. the determination and desire has grown and finally things began to become really simple applying a few key verses and finally MOVING something! either my body, my mind or my spirit (although spirit moved everyday cause that is what sustains me, PRAYING CEASELESSLY and having others praying with and for you, is essential for life! daily). Although moving the body was not an option more than I liked, it meant that the mind had to work more, and often that was a struggle too. Thankfully, the spirit pulled me through. Not near at the times, in the ways or at the pace I WANTED! but exactly how it needed to happen and I am better for the ware now.
Old dogs can learn new tricks! and oh, wow have I learned!!! Somethings are just so simple and ridiculous I am not writing them out.
KNOW GOD! not as some "force or superior power that no one can really talk about, not the Sunday School or Church cliche's but heart felt, "don't care if you understand me but I KNOW THIS IS WHO GOD IS", kind of Thinking. and applying those Truths to everything I thought, said and felt. Whenever, things were not inline, it was time to take a break and readjust my thoughts and feelings. The biggest Truth that was monumental is the GOD can do what no person or things, even myself and all the research and advice I gather. HE IS ABLE TO DO MORE Amazing and impossible things than I can even ask or think. Ephesians 3:20
KNOW MYSELF- this took me awhile, cause so much has changed and with the health issues I can't do many things that I thought were MUST DO's and I frustrated and let others down cause I was never available or willing to do things for them either. I had a huge identity crisis because I did not fully accept BEING ME and Doing what I do are two separate things. BEING ME is the person God created me to be and being fully willing to do that. Loving, Caring, Encouraging, and Listening are things I do but when I can't they do not change me. Expectations are the biggest threat and deceiver about our true identity and value. When we let our thoughts go to the negative and "depressed" (low feeling, insecure, devalued, etc) we set ourselves up for a tough walk even when we are healthy. Stress robs us from the strength and endurance to keep our thoughts healthy and happy and start a dangerous trend of implosion into self doubt, self hate and self defeating behaviors that are grown from our thoughts. NO ONE can make you feel or believe anything. When you start listening to negative impressions and evaluations of others and accept them as truth, it is like drinking dirty water filled with slugs and bugs.. YUCKY!!! HARMFUL and DANGEROUS! When you realize you are doing it.. STOP! DROP them burden and PRAY, RENEW YOUR MIND, HEART and SOUL with the WORD from GOD, Encouragement from trusted spiritual leaders and prayer partners. Lightening your heart and soul makes things flow much lighter and smoother, motivation and inspiration to do the things you CAN becomes a focus, passion and a JOY!
KNOW MY BODY, MIND, & SOUL - this kind of brings everything back to ORDERED and PRODUCTIVE balance that God created me to living abundantly in, not just "get by" or exist in. When life becomes heavy and nonproductive it is an indication things are out of order and the focus has gone. Checking the other two "Vital Signs" helps identify the problem. When the TO DO list, and MUST DO's list is long and complicated. Stress or "over thinking things" can quickly and deceptively creep in and cause things to be thrown out of balance. What is the cure? PRAYER, Knowing GOD and Myself and Applying the wisdom HE has already provided me, and focusing on the new answers and wisdom to find things HE Guides me toward. Not relying, desiring or expecting anyone else to set me back on track, but HIM. HE is my all in all. He is my Great Physician and when necessary he will refer me to the right resource, person, or professional to obtain the correct solution.
Totally embracing and enjoying the renewing and lightening of the load. Totally focused and WALKING both physically and spiritually, CONFIDENT I KNOW what I am doing is right and approved by HIM and secure in myself to keep the negative and defeating things from throwing me off balance and taking away my strength and joy. I know I will still have disappointment, conflicts, struggles, and trials but I also know I am equipped and determined to keep on track and not loose my footing again, because I am not doing all the work alone and He is sustaining me and gives me things and takes other things away, because it is what is best for ME! Not a punishment or a consequence of something I did or didn't do, AS LONG AS I follow His guiding I am going to be just fine :) ~&~
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