Have you ever had those days you refuse to get out of bed because you KNOW what is waiting for you, and you DO NOT LIKE IT!.???
Ever had a week when you were tempted to call 9-1-1 and report being kidnapped and held against your will by selfish, unmotivated imposters of your family??? (okay that one I am probably the only one to admit--but you are laughing now.. bet you have the thought someday)
Ever threated to go on strike! Ever been courageous enough to do it! (YES I HAVE!--not for the faint of heart, unless you plan on leaving and not coming back to the house (and remember that might be what you are thinking but God has different plans)?
Ever had something hit you like a ton of bricks and knock you lower than you have ever been?
Well this pretty much sums up the last few months.. things have just been so stressful and heart wrenching, shaking the inner most parts of my being. Hopes and Dreams have been shattered, repaired, strengthened, removed, disillusioned, new doors opened, closed, it has been REALLY uncomfortable in many ways.
Yesterday, I said that my son was turning 14 and the women said, "oh I pitty you, Well at least your done with having to worry and parent him 24/7-- he is self sufficient now".
There was dead silence, and evidently a bad look on my face and ..the waterworks flowed like the dam had broken. She looked in horror, and said.. oh, I must have hit a nerve, I just assumed you raised him right, well I am sure God will protect you. still mortified and shell shocked I just stood there and listened as she flipped into "Evangelism wonderwomen" sharing how great her 13 and 15 year olds were because her and her husband "raised them right". They cleaned the house while she worked, cooked dinner, they had several ways they help raise money for family purchases like vacations and BOOKS!!!. and how they were in church ever wednesday and sunday night since they were 6 weeks old. And then she whipped out several scriptures and all the standard questions.. to see where we went wrong, do you all know where you would go when you die, all the way to the "sins" of parent hood.
I just answered her (Prideful and puffed up questions) and then she got to the good one, do you know where things went wrong?. Well... I said. no not really, but I know why we went down this path.. God has purified me from coal and rubbage to the Woman I am becoming. and I may never be "DONE parenting and worrying about our son until my feet leave this earth". I understand that everyday is a step in FAITH, and that I must Pray ceaselessly and continually and be submissive to my husband and God's leading in areas that I don't agree and that just because others use certain methods they may not be the best for my son.
I have learned to love my child and his ways, look for ways to encourage, motivate him, train him, guide him in the way he should go and if that means I have to always be available and always help him to the best of my ability no matter what he does with it and if he buys me things or writes articles in his self published newsletter, well so be it. I am doing what God told me to do, much like Samuel's mother, I understand no matter what situation I have to put my son in, I promised God in front of our family, pastor and my husband that I understand this child is God's gift to raise, but that has responsibilities and I will do my best to raise him to know and love God and learn to be the man he was created to be.
Somedays I pray God, forgive for I knew not what I was asking.. Protect this child and deliver me from this mess, but then he shows me something or gives me an idea to help him or to see something that he could use to overcome a struggle and I am renewed for the day and forget about all the votes against us and all the things we are not and Praise God that I am a mother of this awesome boy (whether he appreciates it now or not); that my son is able to do more than I can even imagine, and the he is a Child of God, whether anyone can see it, believes it or celebrates it, does not matter. God has his name in the book of life and I have been shown over and over I have and I am raising him right! our path is just different than some others and not all things are shown now. Our past has been erased and so some cannot understand why we have to do somethings, but We are dancing with Christ celebrating the solid ground we are on, and we will stay in the light and tears may fall but we will not drowned.
We are walking in faith and He will deliver this child to manhood, and bless him with a family someday and He will be in heaven. What more can a mother ask for, that really matters..?
She kind of dropped her sneer and got a tear in her eye and said 'oh, Praise God, I had no idea. I thought.." "Why didn't you say you were a Christian mom"? I replied, "I had hoped it showed and didn't know that would matter in receiving grace, encouragement and compassion."
Being in a brick and mortar church allot or a little does not determine someones salvation or dedication and committment to God. Being Christian Parents does not guarentee easy living and "simple and less problems with children" anymore that being in a garage and member of AAA ensures less car repairs and makes one a CAR!.
Love, compassion and encouragement should not be withheld anymore than a tissue or a sip of water. and we are not called to condem and punish people for their transgressions any more than Christ was sent to condemn the world (John 3:16-19).
Judge the action, not the person. SIN is a behavior or activity not a part of a person. People do not rot or spoil! (they have a preservative in them! it just needs to be activated) We are from the pure blood line! we are family and family helps and supports family.
Faith is not believing in what is seen, is it faith to believe your child is going to succeed if the make straight A's and appear in papers and have their own business at 15 or is it faith when your child forgets to do his homework and fails and struggles and then listens and works hard and passes and sits down and "doodles" pictures that warm your heart and help others and come up with helpful changes and ideas that surprise everyone.
Jeremiah 29:11 is being lived out in my life right now and I am claiming Romans 8:28 as a guarentee this will end well.
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