I was not ignoring you or trying to be covert. I was searching for the best, "not all about me" answer and I finally found a simple and consise response in my devotational blogs.
My Personal story and My definition and philosophy on depression, anger, anxiety and bitterness:
Depression (medical condition) or depressive mood, anger, bitterness and discontentment are very uncomfortable feelings and are humbling to have to share. Having to explain feelings, emotions and thoughts can be difficult when coupled with fears and anxiety, which are usually irriation and unfounded but yet all so real; it is near impossible and therefore extremely isolating and frustrating which makes things like a vicious circle. I made a personal decision that was best for me and my family. I am always saying that I am honest and caring, well I was not able to live by my personal beliefs and principles when I was struggling in mind and spirit.
First, I did reach out into the spiritual (church) and did do "Biblical counceling" and worked with several godly women, but soon realized with my medical knowledge that this was more than just a "spiritual" issue and that I needed to search for other council and care. I remained in prayer. Information, opportunities and signals came my way that were answers to prayer. I confided in a few close prayer partners and had them praying for me but, I also reached out to my healthcare providers and submitted to some tests and we got to the bottom of the physical/chemical side of the depressive symptoms and that sprung open the door for the spiritual work to take affect.
Sometimes the depressive moods, anxiety, anger and fear are just warning signs that something is not as it should be and when things are restored these undesired feelings go away. Sometimes medications (chemicals) are needed to balance the bodies functioning and when the medications take effect the balance and proper behavior and thinking is restored and the depression, anger, fear and anxiety are corrected. Wisdom and discernment are essential, but gut wrenching honesty, diligence and clear and determined mind and heart are also necessary to overcome the undesired thought, feelings,emotions and behaviors.
Phillipians 4:6,7 is not a suggestion or just a saying. It is an exhortation, which is "an utterance, discourse or address coveying URGENT!! advice or recommendation." So read this that way! But, it requires your choice to take action and to agree.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
The key in this verse is THANKSGIVING, (not the holiday) the act of thankfulness.
While in my pit or angst I was not thankful for anything and it showed on my face and in my voice, my emotions were spilling out because my heart was so hard nothing could penetrate it and what happens when you try to pour water on rocks? it runs off! and thats exactly what I was doing mentally, physically and spiritually.. Well, this is the Jonah in me! How far can you run before you realize Christ is right there with you? Depends on how deep in denial you are and how much you are willing to lie to yourself and others. I was jerked out of my denial by a friend who saw things we not right and called me out.. OUCH---- I thought I was hiding it with my health problems, being tired and the mirage of other excuses I offered for the moods and facial expressions.
The devotional blog, At The Well:
Check out this awesome writting that has the scripture to inspire..
http://www.titus2atthewell.com/2009/05/reflections-of-heart.html
Personal encouragement to anyone suffering with depression:
If you struggle with DEPRESSION (the medical definition), Irritability (anger), Anxiety (medical diagnosis) worry, nervousness, confusion/difficulty concentrating, loss of memory, whether or not you get treatment for it medically or if you just have situations that knock your spirit down for awhile and then you bounce back. Confide in someone, God already knows what you are going through, he is there but will not take away your right to choose to stay in your pit, or as I like to say in your "mud puddle" but if you are ready to come out and get washed off and healed, Christ is waiting with the hose of living water that will clean you and heal you as long as you stand in the stream. He has your robe and crown, and will restore you just like he did for King Neb.. (in Daniel).
If you would like to talk personally, email me dotwigg@nc.rr.com or comment below and state you want me "NOT TO BE POSTED, but email me personally" and I will be happy to talk with you and share the resources and books I used to help me and my healthcare providers find the balance and improve my health; mind, body and spirit.
Another great verse to keep for the rough times is: Phillipians 4:8 ..Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
In the really dark times it may be a minute by minute renewing of your thoughts and having write down the thought and if it is not True, Noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy then crumble it up and rewrite that thought to something that is and meditate on that for a few minutes. As time goes on this will happen quicker and more internally. Remember it takes 6 weeks of consistent effort to set a new habit! Start to today and reclaim your joy and hope.
It is so worth it and it makes your walk so much easier and enjoyable when your head is up and your eyes are open and hungry to see the marvels the creater has made for you to enjoy. Every day is a gift! Every breath you take is a gift! Your LIFE is a gift! Show your gratitude and make it beautiful.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
There are answers in the blood!!!! Praise on the medical front!
Thank God for an awesome and no nonsense Neurologist that investigated, tested and worked to help me return to a "normal", energized and clear mind state of being. She never really like some of my diagnosis, which irritated me because it seemed she was questioning my honesty about how I was feeling and it took long enough to finally get that answer I was not wanting to start over. But, while she was testing things I did some research and kept digging in my medical records to help document things. Then we started making some progress, unfortunately some medication was necessary, but we are also working with a counselor to modify behaviors and hopefully we can replace the medications with more natural remedies but one medication will stay.
Today was the glorious breakthrough that makes all the struggles, hurt feelings and frustration all worth the work. After many years of misdiagnosis and struggling with no answers for the "weakness" (fatigue), sore muscles, instability and falling and decreased attention, concentration and memory. DNA labwork really scared me, but I "trusted her decision" and the results showed that I have 1 of the genes for NARCOLEPSY!. WOW.... that explains everything and best of all that is what the doctor had determined was going on and we started the medication and it has changed my life! I feel better than I have EVER felt.. I have gotten more done in the last month than I have done in years.. coupled with finally treating the anxiety, I am a new women.
I have made light years progress in addressing my "issues" with the counselor and turns out things are not as they seem!. This has been the most fasinating and encouraging component of the solution. With my career path heading to being a Counselor myself, working with a counselor to assess my thinking processes and perceptions is a required thing but as I worked on my health and studied this semester I noticed a few things that needed to be worked on with someone and it has been so worth the effort. I have found myself and can finally stand on my principles and accept the rejection or conflict that expressing myself may cause. It is not selfish to say, No! or I do not WANT TO DO ThAT.. (neither of these statements were part of my vocabulary) but are now, we are not all called to the same things and Wants are important, they are the passion that help us reach goals. And, it is so funny as I do my bible study and memory verses so many verses COMMAND us to not fear, to stay in the light and to speak the TRUTH and they hold so much more encouragement and promise now.
I encourage anyone that feels that something is "not right with your physical, mental or emotional health" to go ahead to talk with someone. Go see the doctor when things are not right, ask them to run some bloodwork it can show when your cells are not working quite right. Vitamins are so important to proper functioning, if you are lacking in vitamins it will show up in your blood work. Also if you do not sleep, or if your sleep is not adequate and you do not feel rested no matter how much you sleep, GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! this is a huge sign. Sleep is so necessary and when you work to regain proper functioning everything is better; feeling, physical,mental and emotional functioning, moods improve. I also encourage you to pray first before you admonish someone who is "struggling in productivity, judgement and attitude". Don't be so quick to diagnosis what their problem is and be empathetic and cautious about suggesting spirtual causes of their struggles. A large part of the emotional discomfort came from how others perceived me and my behaviors and efforts. Many times "attitude problems, anger, depressive expressions, laziness, disorganization and forgetfulness are symptoms of functional issues and not character flaws. Encouragement and empathy are helpful, sympathy and overpowering are discouraging and actually prevent addressing the problem and delay getting help.
Researching and improving your health can actually save you money and improve your life. Pray for wisdom and discernment and you will be lead to the right doors, the correct interventions and you will be all that you were designed to be.. Speaking the Truth is sometimes very humbling but we are called into the light where things can be examined and corrected. The Truth will set you free! It changed my life and has made my families life so much more enjoyable and productive.
Today was the glorious breakthrough that makes all the struggles, hurt feelings and frustration all worth the work. After many years of misdiagnosis and struggling with no answers for the "weakness" (fatigue), sore muscles, instability and falling and decreased attention, concentration and memory. DNA labwork really scared me, but I "trusted her decision" and the results showed that I have 1 of the genes for NARCOLEPSY!. WOW.... that explains everything and best of all that is what the doctor had determined was going on and we started the medication and it has changed my life! I feel better than I have EVER felt.. I have gotten more done in the last month than I have done in years.. coupled with finally treating the anxiety, I am a new women.
I have made light years progress in addressing my "issues" with the counselor and turns out things are not as they seem!. This has been the most fasinating and encouraging component of the solution. With my career path heading to being a Counselor myself, working with a counselor to assess my thinking processes and perceptions is a required thing but as I worked on my health and studied this semester I noticed a few things that needed to be worked on with someone and it has been so worth the effort. I have found myself and can finally stand on my principles and accept the rejection or conflict that expressing myself may cause. It is not selfish to say, No! or I do not WANT TO DO ThAT.. (neither of these statements were part of my vocabulary) but are now, we are not all called to the same things and Wants are important, they are the passion that help us reach goals. And, it is so funny as I do my bible study and memory verses so many verses COMMAND us to not fear, to stay in the light and to speak the TRUTH and they hold so much more encouragement and promise now.
I encourage anyone that feels that something is "not right with your physical, mental or emotional health" to go ahead to talk with someone. Go see the doctor when things are not right, ask them to run some bloodwork it can show when your cells are not working quite right. Vitamins are so important to proper functioning, if you are lacking in vitamins it will show up in your blood work. Also if you do not sleep, or if your sleep is not adequate and you do not feel rested no matter how much you sleep, GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! this is a huge sign. Sleep is so necessary and when you work to regain proper functioning everything is better; feeling, physical,mental and emotional functioning, moods improve. I also encourage you to pray first before you admonish someone who is "struggling in productivity, judgement and attitude". Don't be so quick to diagnosis what their problem is and be empathetic and cautious about suggesting spirtual causes of their struggles. A large part of the emotional discomfort came from how others perceived me and my behaviors and efforts. Many times "attitude problems, anger, depressive expressions, laziness, disorganization and forgetfulness are symptoms of functional issues and not character flaws. Encouragement and empathy are helpful, sympathy and overpowering are discouraging and actually prevent addressing the problem and delay getting help.
Researching and improving your health can actually save you money and improve your life. Pray for wisdom and discernment and you will be lead to the right doors, the correct interventions and you will be all that you were designed to be.. Speaking the Truth is sometimes very humbling but we are called into the light where things can be examined and corrected. The Truth will set you free! It changed my life and has made my families life so much more enjoyable and productive.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Coming full circle....God has such a sense of humor!
Wow!! what an emotional and spiritual journey this has been!. Years of pruning and purifying, tears and fears are all being molded into an incredible vessel. The potter illustration is my favorite, I always saw my story as the pot that was cracked and worped and used to repair other vessels but not really a complete vessel made for an independent purpose.
{{{Amazing Love should play about now.. and Mercy Came running too..}}
Man was I wrong! and God is faithful to answer us and heal us when we ask Him. Until then He just places things in our lives to get our attention and to comfort us and draw us to Him. He is great about bring people into my life that have no idea about the questions, fears and wounds standing before them and they offer a verse or an encouragement that is simply Divine intervention, and without a doubt I know that God has Spoken!! I kind of feal like Israel sometimes...
Well, God is at work in my educational pursuits and my personal growth in major ways. I am more fear and anxiety than witt and knowledge sometimes and I am as cautious and inquizitive as a toddler who is just learning to walk. {Wobble, Wobble, step hard... goofy and entertaining to watch as they discover things}. Well, back in the early days before having Charles, my desire was to be a Nurse, and then reality of the cost of school and the difficulty of working fulltime and going to school, close friends illness and recovery and just fear of the unknown caused me to postpone my pursuit of nursing. I worked in the medical field as a billing clerk and coder and patient care rep in the urgent care centers to get me close to the action and allow me to do some of the work I wanted to do, but provided the safety net I also wanted. All the while I still had the desire for more, but did not know how to get it. Life is funny how things just happen, right??? NO!!! God has designed everything from the way your hair is in the morning to the crazy craving you have at 3:00 pm!. Every job I had, at some point the questions came-- "why aren't you nursing you are clearly supposed to be in the nursing profession".. HMMMM!
Well, time went on... Life continued.. Charles came... and I stopped progressing. The desire was still there but medical issues and family responsibilities kept me busy. Finally in 2000 Chris got his big shot at his career and we were moving to North Carolina! {{{{WHAT!!!!!----My life, my career is here????}}}}} well God has been patient and loving with me since then and slowly worked things for the good of our family. I started school, saw the path things were going well and then in true hollywood fashion---BAMM!!!! things unraveled fast!!! I was blacking out and dizzy as a ding bat.. terrible migraine for 3 days with no relief, that endup putting me in the hospital. Missed alot of school but made it up. Neurologist ran a bunch of tests in the hospital and found the reasons for my headaches that had plagued me for years. Things were looking up!. Then 6 months later I was withdrawing from the program to begin to Homeschool. {{{{WHat!! ME TEACH!!! you have got to be kidding!.. (oops! Sorry Lord I know you are omnipetient and know the plans you have, but do you remember what I am capable of???, oh you do.. Okay I will do this, but.....}}}}}} Well, Five years pass.. struggles with reading bring us the our knees several times, Humbleness is not an issue.. knowledge, wisdom and logistics (money and time) are, but God saw us through the pursuit of help and lead us to testing, diagnosis and PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! {{{UH.... Are you sure this is the best idea...and MIDDLE SCHOOL TO BOOT????}}}} I tested the idea to everyone that would listen, I protested, argued, threatened, begged, pleaded and finally submitted and God prevailed... this was the best year ever!!! Our struggling reader can read!!! He improved 2 grade levels, His writing skills are on grade level and he is a joy to be around!! Still does not have a prision record, no bad habits, and NO GIRL FRIEND :)!. {{AHH... okay God I am getting the hint..}}}
My schooling took several up and down around and around and many sleepless nights asking "Why am I doing this"???? "Is this really what I am called to do??" Doors flung open and information came rushing to me that I was close but on the wrong path. We straighten things out and Tomorrow is the first step on the new path, back in to the Medical Assisting program that I wanted so much back in 2002, what I was doing when God showed us we need to care for our son, we obeyed and now God is working things to bring me to the things I need to be equipped to do that which I was designed to do. {I SEE!!!, but know that I may not always SEE the point and the direction but that is why I have God on my Right hand, (the same hand I use to take pulses, draw blood and record information with). In order to get into the classes in the fall semester I need to take Anatomy and Physiology over again because it has been so long. The instructor I have this summer is the same instructor I had my first semester when I took the higher level A&P (nursing level) class in 2001, I struggled so much but passed with a D, (would have had to retake it to get credit for either nursing or Medical assisting, so I chose to take the lower level course and made a B in that class).
God's timing is perfect. The Medical Assisting field has undergone alot of changes, the program has more opportunities now and I am so excited to be back at the door that I was at 13 years ago, about to embark on my journey to becoming a Professional helper with credentials and opportunities to help those that need and want it. The experience I have from working in various medical offices, being a patient in just about every medical discipline, receiving dreaded and scarry diagnosis with little or no compassion or explanation and having to research and cope with the prognosis alone will be enhancements to my education and make me a better caregiver with enhanced knowledge and expanded resources that will make someone elses experience much better and I will have more time to show the love of Jesus, the Physician that I work under :).
Romans 8:28 "And We KNOW that all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"
Jeremiah 29:11,12 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
{{{Amazing Love should play about now.. and Mercy Came running too..}}
Man was I wrong! and God is faithful to answer us and heal us when we ask Him. Until then He just places things in our lives to get our attention and to comfort us and draw us to Him. He is great about bring people into my life that have no idea about the questions, fears and wounds standing before them and they offer a verse or an encouragement that is simply Divine intervention, and without a doubt I know that God has Spoken!! I kind of feal like Israel sometimes...
Well, God is at work in my educational pursuits and my personal growth in major ways. I am more fear and anxiety than witt and knowledge sometimes and I am as cautious and inquizitive as a toddler who is just learning to walk. {Wobble, Wobble, step hard... goofy and entertaining to watch as they discover things}. Well, back in the early days before having Charles, my desire was to be a Nurse, and then reality of the cost of school and the difficulty of working fulltime and going to school, close friends illness and recovery and just fear of the unknown caused me to postpone my pursuit of nursing. I worked in the medical field as a billing clerk and coder and patient care rep in the urgent care centers to get me close to the action and allow me to do some of the work I wanted to do, but provided the safety net I also wanted. All the while I still had the desire for more, but did not know how to get it. Life is funny how things just happen, right??? NO!!! God has designed everything from the way your hair is in the morning to the crazy craving you have at 3:00 pm!. Every job I had, at some point the questions came-- "why aren't you nursing you are clearly supposed to be in the nursing profession".. HMMMM!
Well, time went on... Life continued.. Charles came... and I stopped progressing. The desire was still there but medical issues and family responsibilities kept me busy. Finally in 2000 Chris got his big shot at his career and we were moving to North Carolina! {{{{WHAT!!!!!----My life, my career is here????}}}}} well God has been patient and loving with me since then and slowly worked things for the good of our family. I started school, saw the path things were going well and then in true hollywood fashion---BAMM!!!! things unraveled fast!!! I was blacking out and dizzy as a ding bat.. terrible migraine for 3 days with no relief, that endup putting me in the hospital. Missed alot of school but made it up. Neurologist ran a bunch of tests in the hospital and found the reasons for my headaches that had plagued me for years. Things were looking up!. Then 6 months later I was withdrawing from the program to begin to Homeschool. {{{{WHat!! ME TEACH!!! you have got to be kidding!.. (oops! Sorry Lord I know you are omnipetient and know the plans you have, but do you remember what I am capable of???, oh you do.. Okay I will do this, but.....}}}}}} Well, Five years pass.. struggles with reading bring us the our knees several times, Humbleness is not an issue.. knowledge, wisdom and logistics (money and time) are, but God saw us through the pursuit of help and lead us to testing, diagnosis and PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! {{{UH.... Are you sure this is the best idea...and MIDDLE SCHOOL TO BOOT????}}}} I tested the idea to everyone that would listen, I protested, argued, threatened, begged, pleaded and finally submitted and God prevailed... this was the best year ever!!! Our struggling reader can read!!! He improved 2 grade levels, His writing skills are on grade level and he is a joy to be around!! Still does not have a prision record, no bad habits, and NO GIRL FRIEND :)!. {{AHH... okay God I am getting the hint..}}}
My schooling took several up and down around and around and many sleepless nights asking "Why am I doing this"???? "Is this really what I am called to do??" Doors flung open and information came rushing to me that I was close but on the wrong path. We straighten things out and Tomorrow is the first step on the new path, back in to the Medical Assisting program that I wanted so much back in 2002, what I was doing when God showed us we need to care for our son, we obeyed and now God is working things to bring me to the things I need to be equipped to do that which I was designed to do. {I SEE!!!, but know that I may not always SEE the point and the direction but that is why I have God on my Right hand, (the same hand I use to take pulses, draw blood and record information with). In order to get into the classes in the fall semester I need to take Anatomy and Physiology over again because it has been so long. The instructor I have this summer is the same instructor I had my first semester when I took the higher level A&P (nursing level) class in 2001, I struggled so much but passed with a D, (would have had to retake it to get credit for either nursing or Medical assisting, so I chose to take the lower level course and made a B in that class).
God's timing is perfect. The Medical Assisting field has undergone alot of changes, the program has more opportunities now and I am so excited to be back at the door that I was at 13 years ago, about to embark on my journey to becoming a Professional helper with credentials and opportunities to help those that need and want it. The experience I have from working in various medical offices, being a patient in just about every medical discipline, receiving dreaded and scarry diagnosis with little or no compassion or explanation and having to research and cope with the prognosis alone will be enhancements to my education and make me a better caregiver with enhanced knowledge and expanded resources that will make someone elses experience much better and I will have more time to show the love of Jesus, the Physician that I work under :).
Romans 8:28 "And We KNOW that all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"
Jeremiah 29:11,12 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)