Oh the last 2 days have been the most emotional, tear filled days of my life. It is kind of funny that this upsets me so bad, I never setout to Homeschool, fought the idea, tried everything I could, I even asked a well respected, good friend what she thought about me homeschooling and used her opinion (which was actually in agreement with me that I shouldn't) until I finally accepted that this is really what God was showing me we needed to do, struggled with it everyday and now after going through a process God clearly lead us to and through it is all over!!! And, for what.... it does not and should not be this way. To get my son the help he needs, that he should have received 5 years ago, when I asked, and questioned but no one would listen to me, everyone knew better and disagreed with me and here we are...
For all the details, go to www.homeschoolblogger.com/dotwigg I just can't write it all again, I am so confused and angry and just ...
But, I am not to know why.. just that God is moving and not in the direction I thought and I feel we should go in (Go figure, one more person that doesn't listen or agree with me) I went through my verse cards and keep running into Romans 8:28, I am clinging to that right now, that He promises He will work everything to the good. I do not see it, but Faith requires believing in the things we cannot see. So here we go.... in two months we will be Public School AND!!!! MIDDLE SCHOOL big changes, I cannot see how this is going to work, but I am trusting, (begrudingly but I am trusting that God is going before us and going to fight this battle...
Pray. Thursday is the big day, May 15 I will be enrolling Charles in Public Middleschool and Closing Titus Academy, hopefully for just a little while to get him the assistance he needs. I need wisdom, patience in huge, huge doses, gentleness, kindness and JOY will definitely be in need also.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
"All they ask for is Prayer, for Ella" touching story
On Sunday, April 27th, Ella Newmiller and her family attended church at Edenton Street United Methodist, in Raleigh, as they do each week. Ella is in my son Scott's, 4 year old Sunday School class. Ella did not feel well that evening. Her parents, Renae and Mark, took her to an urgent care facility. On Monday, they found themselves at UNC Hospitals, being faced with the news that their precious daughter has an inoperable brain tumor. It is located at the base of her brain, inside the brain stem.
Friday, May 2nd, was Ella's 5th birthday. Friends at Edenton Street pulled together an amazing celebration for 'Princess Ella'. She arrived in a horse drawn carriage and was greeted by over 100 friends dressed in their royal best. 'Mr. and Miss Wolf' from NC State, plus 'Stormy', from the Carolina Hurricanes joined in the celebration. There was a DJ, beauty queens, bubbles, balloons and presents.
Ella's mother, Renae, commented, 'We don't need meals or errands. The only thing we really need is PRAYER.' Renae asked me to tell friends, 'even if they don't know Ella', to please pray. She asked that those friends ask 10 friends (even if they don't know the Newmillers) to pray. So, I am asking you to pray daily for Ella Newmiller, for the oncologists and physicians directing her care, for her parents, Renae and Mark, and for her brother Jack (2nd grade). Pray for God's healing hand. Pray for both direction and comfort for Ella's family. Also pray for strength and courage for Ella. Additionally, if you feel led, please forward this prayer request to friends.
I am attaching a photo of Ella from Friday's 5th birthday celebration. If you would like updates on Ella, please log onto her care page at http://www.carepages.com/ , under Ella Newmiller. There are simple prompts to help you log on. Thanks~
with love,
Louise
James 5:13 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. and James 5:15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up;...
Please add this family to your prayer list, forward your friends and ask them to pray too.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Good News!!! God is in Control and You are not, and neither is anyone else !!!!
I have had an "Ah ha" moment, feelings are usually not well founded enough to be the basis for action alone. At least for me, I need to take a moment and BREATH, and then think for a minute is this how I am "feeling" or is this a logical conclusion before I act. Someone will say something less than kind and I automatically go into panic mode, scrambling to react to their disapproval, disappointment, and try to "fix" the problem before it ruins the relationship or activity. Oh, the exhaustion and the fear of always bringing about negative reactions in people. The guilt of being the source of dislike and displeasure of someone you care about and on such a frequent basis it is better to stay at a distance for their protection.
I hear that familiar RUMBLE and a voice say, "You know that guilt is not from ME!! You see them react so differently to others and you are convinced that it is YOU. Oh, how silly that you have that much control and force in someone elses life, and especially in a godly persons life. Do you think you are as powerful as the devil??? That you are able to "Make" someone behave differently and that they are powerless to change their reactions and behavior. Well, when I finally get them to discuss it, that is what they tell me, "YOU.... did this or that, You...... just force me to be ... (and SO What!!! People say the darnedest things, people will blame you if you let them, especially when they KNOW you will accept it and not turn it into a debate,) (ha ha, you debate or answer back, everyone elses opinion is more important and more accurate then yours or at least to them and you do not want to make things worse). Who designed you? Who are you serving? What does your heart say? What does the bible say? Do you really think you are of so little benefit and of so much destruction? You must dig down deep and Know what God says, use some of those scriptures that you have stored in that brain of yours. Use the verse you quote all the time and claim as your Life verse why do you think I revealed that to you!! "You are fearfully (not your definition!! but MINE, I want you to be what I created you to be, respectful, reverent, humble; I created you like me, you are only slightly less than me but I have covered your flaws along with your sins,) and Wonderfully made (just like creation, you are unique (that is not a bad thing) you are marvelous and precious to me and who were you created to please me or others?) Serving does not mean making them happy all the time, and sometimes you do make people VERY VERY disappointed and angry and make them really think about things, but that is not always a bad thing. Moses served the Children of Israel, and he rarely made them "happy" and they were frequently angry or disappointed in Him, but He was doing as I lead Him and He knew it, because he talked to me regularly and came to me when he was doubting or troubled.
It is as if I can hear God say, "They are not your purpose, they do not control your value and worth nor do the results of the work you do as long as you are doing as I lead you to do, you acknowledge me in all that you do and you allow me "to work through you" and you do not try to do it yourself and then run to me to clean up your mess, I am going to work all things for the good. Even if you do intend or unintentional make something bad, I am going to work it for a blessing. When you feel this way, 1 Peter 5:7 ring any bells???? Bring me your cares (hurts, fears, mess ups, worries, burdens) for I care about you." And Remember Mercy is new every morning. (Listen to Mercy Came Running by Phillips, Craig & Dean on the playlist player)
Oh!!!! sometimes mind over matter is just plain funny :) I have decided I am going to try Heart over matter. That is where the scripture is anyway, and I know I do not "intend" for these negative reactions to occur and that I truly want to do the right thing and to be a blessing and a friend, wife, mother that is a good influence and a desire and not a source of pain and disappointment or viewed as costing them from receiving the best. Phillipians 4:8,9 takes on a whole visual now, And If I "let" God Control things and follow Him and Know I am doing what He has lead me to do, then I am doing the right thing and good is going to come, but in God's Way and in His timing and the Glory and Praise is going to come in through my behaving and loving in the situations to show this firm BELIEF and Extra ordinary FAITH and Trust in God doing what He says.
I hear that familiar RUMBLE and a voice say, "You know that guilt is not from ME!! You see them react so differently to others and you are convinced that it is YOU. Oh, how silly that you have that much control and force in someone elses life, and especially in a godly persons life. Do you think you are as powerful as the devil??? That you are able to "Make" someone behave differently and that they are powerless to change their reactions and behavior. Well, when I finally get them to discuss it, that is what they tell me, "YOU.... did this or that, You...... just force me to be ... (and SO What!!! People say the darnedest things, people will blame you if you let them, especially when they KNOW you will accept it and not turn it into a debate,) (ha ha, you debate or answer back, everyone elses opinion is more important and more accurate then yours or at least to them and you do not want to make things worse). Who designed you? Who are you serving? What does your heart say? What does the bible say? Do you really think you are of so little benefit and of so much destruction? You must dig down deep and Know what God says, use some of those scriptures that you have stored in that brain of yours. Use the verse you quote all the time and claim as your Life verse why do you think I revealed that to you!! "You are fearfully (not your definition!! but MINE, I want you to be what I created you to be, respectful, reverent, humble; I created you like me, you are only slightly less than me but I have covered your flaws along with your sins,) and Wonderfully made (just like creation, you are unique (that is not a bad thing) you are marvelous and precious to me and who were you created to please me or others?) Serving does not mean making them happy all the time, and sometimes you do make people VERY VERY disappointed and angry and make them really think about things, but that is not always a bad thing. Moses served the Children of Israel, and he rarely made them "happy" and they were frequently angry or disappointed in Him, but He was doing as I lead Him and He knew it, because he talked to me regularly and came to me when he was doubting or troubled.
It is as if I can hear God say, "They are not your purpose, they do not control your value and worth nor do the results of the work you do as long as you are doing as I lead you to do, you acknowledge me in all that you do and you allow me "to work through you" and you do not try to do it yourself and then run to me to clean up your mess, I am going to work all things for the good. Even if you do intend or unintentional make something bad, I am going to work it for a blessing. When you feel this way, 1 Peter 5:7 ring any bells???? Bring me your cares (hurts, fears, mess ups, worries, burdens) for I care about you." And Remember Mercy is new every morning. (Listen to Mercy Came Running by Phillips, Craig & Dean on the playlist player)
Oh!!!! sometimes mind over matter is just plain funny :) I have decided I am going to try Heart over matter. That is where the scripture is anyway, and I know I do not "intend" for these negative reactions to occur and that I truly want to do the right thing and to be a blessing and a friend, wife, mother that is a good influence and a desire and not a source of pain and disappointment or viewed as costing them from receiving the best. Phillipians 4:8,9 takes on a whole visual now, And If I "let" God Control things and follow Him and Know I am doing what He has lead me to do, then I am doing the right thing and good is going to come, but in God's Way and in His timing and the Glory and Praise is going to come in through my behaving and loving in the situations to show this firm BELIEF and Extra ordinary FAITH and Trust in God doing what He says.
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