Okay, I get it... I really understand now

Oh, what a week. Have you ever had a situation that just had you in turmoil? Have you tried to find guidance and comfort and just been lost? Well, I even called up my prayer friends that I just say pray, no details, no explanations and let me know what you get. (Hoping it was going to be something clearer than what I was getting, truly hoping I was hearing the wrong voice and that this was not "the plan").

As usually during this time my fleshy pride, emotions and fears got the best of me, I could not hold onto a thought to save my life, I would be in the middle of a sentence and poof, could not tell what I said, where I was going, what I wanted.. I decided to just withdraw and not talk to anyone for awhile. Kind of sounds like Jonah, running... trying to get away from something he did not agree with God on, something that made him angery, and sad and he was just not having it. I tried Noah's way of begging God and negoatiating, but what if we do this, what about this and each time, it was NO! Jeremiah 29:11! Psalms 20, and finally Phillipians 4 sent me back to the Jonah story and into my tool shed, and then sitting there in the dirt, complaining that it was taken away from me. (Oh, thank goodness God really loves unconditionally and really does wait on us). I could not read my bible, or my memory verse cards, even books without constantly running into verses that were repeating the same theme over and over. And then it happened, scripture was coming from the most unlikely places and it was the wording, but not the addresses, but I knew where they are found and I could almost see God looking at me, and saying, "When are you going to stop fighting me, and running and wrestling" "YOU KNOW I AM TALKING TO YOU, YOU HEAR ME, YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING IS TRUE, BECAUSE I DO NOT LIE, TRUST ME... LISTEN TO ME... DO IT, and DO IT NOW!!!!"
But, of course I did not "feel" this could possibly be the answer, it just does not make sense, this is going to stretch me more than I already am, I jump out of the boat miles ago, and things have not gone well, I am trying to swim to anything I can get a hold of, and today when I visited another of my favorite blogs, http://www.emilypoling.blogspot.com/ the may 8th post, made me stop and just say, Okay God I get it! I will submit, I hear you loud and clear, here is my answer I have demanded, begged, pleaded, cried, screamed, wallowed, begrudgingly started doing what I knew you had lead me to do but with an attitude and spirit very unbecoming. And finally, I am still and see and "FEEL" your hand again. I know it says it is always there, but I did not see it or feel it because it was not what I was looking for, it was not my plan, it is not what I thought, but as you have been telling me over and over; Your ways are not my ways, but they are best. You are in control of me even when I am not in control of anything. I know understand why He tells us to pray ceaselessly, so that we can constantly seeking Him and He can talk to us, and appeal to our heart, it keeps us sensitive to the Holy Spirit that is in us and allows us to "see" and "hear" even the things we do not like, but we Know they are from Him. He answers are prayers, it just takes us time to "see" the answer sometimes because it is not what we wanted or what we thought it was going to look like, but it is His answer calling to us and we just need to BELIEVE and Walk to it.

Lord, I will do as the television preacher taught from Colossians 1, I will praise and worship you because that is what you created me to do, and when I revert back to my "natural domance of the dark kingdom", I will acknowledge you and repent from the wayward thinking and behaviors and allow you to once again transform me into a vessel of light and I will walk the path YOU place me on, when I walk behind you I will not faulter because I will have faith you are ahead of me clearing the path and making the path straight, as you promised in your WORD, the truth always sets me free. The fires of purification although they burn, and burn hot and high, they will not destroy me or singe me because I have the living water inside me and although there is smoke, I will not burn!! No matter how long I stay in the flames, when I am removed I will be like the three in the furnance in Daniel, I will not even smell like fire, I will not be burned!!!
I will rest in you and allow you to lead me and if I stand tall, walk diligently and keep my focus on you, stay in the word and keep my faith even when it seems like I am drowning, I know you are there and will save me.
AMEN!!!