Oh, the journey is almost over... Saturday is the big day, we are graduating Charles from Titus Academy and closing our homeschool for now. Charles will be going to Cedar Creek Middle School in August, only 2 short months away. A few weeks ago it seemed like I had sometime to get use to the big change and prepare Charles, but now the days are flying by.
I broke down again, and just questioned God, Why does it have to be this way??? {{{ Because, this is the best way, oh ye of little faith}}} Where am I going, how am I supposed to get there and what am I supposed to be doing???? {{{I AM the one who is going and I will make the path, you are going to follow me, rest in me and trust me}}} Oh,... what was that last part... t...r...u...s...t?? I kinda do. sort of... And then my verse came to me in a whole new way..
Jermiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you and expected end." I suddenly got a strange feeling and wasn't really sure what it meant. I went on with my day, cutting the grass, straightening the house, going to appointments and then tonight at Bible Study, He revealed it, I always read this verse (and most other verses) in third person, not including myself as the YOU, didn't see how God was touching me personally (I knew why, but..) I celebrated Him blessing others though and knew my troubles here were just and in the end I would be with Him, but that is not what it is saying... I barely made it through class, but I did!!!! mark on the calendar I did not break out in tears for once, I did not feel the weight of condemnation anymore, the TRUTH and Light that has been in me all along broke through my thick head tonight, and it healed my heart too. This means YOU!!! He said to me.
I now know why!!!! and it is not for my sons benefit ( although he is going to benefit) but God is bringing us to this juncture in the journey for MY benefit.. Oh I cannot explain this in a way that makes sense but it made me lighter than I have been in spirit in a long time.
These pictures still bring a tear to my eye, but now they are tears of joy and not pain and anger over the loss. I see things in each picture that are so different now. God is so good all the time, even when we do not realize it. He is in control even when we do not want Him to be or do not understand what He is doing. Trust is faith being expressed;belief in what we cannot see. Joy is the result of trusting. HMMM!! that explains a few things. Thankfully His mercy and love are never ending and unconditional.
This is a slide show I made for the graduation Saturday.
http://www.photodex.com/sharing/viewshow.html?fl=2983954&alb=0
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