Denial verses De Nile both get you wet! eventually

<<Personal note: Needed to clarify a misunderstanding. This and all the posts on this blog are about things in my life, I am a recovering passive aggressive-people pleaser and dependent person and some earlier posts could be applied to some situations but were not written to anyone in particular, (sorry if you thought it was directed at you) but I have grown to understand and walk in my own light, my own relationship with Christ, I share but these are my jewels that Christ gave me when I asked for them. If they help you GREAT!! Praise Him, from all good flows, but I am just sharing pieces of my walk. It is great how God uses things in one brother or sister in Christ's life to encourage and inspire another>>>>> "Even though the size of the shoe may be the same everyone wears their shoes alittle differently".


Words are powerful and hold lots of meaning. They can also be a lot of fun and an interesting hobby. DENIAL is an assertion that an allegation is false. or refusal to believe a doctrine, theory, or the like. disbelief of the existence or reality of something. A wonderful book that really cuts to the chase about the purpose of words, their power and how to properly use them is "WAR OF WORDS" Getting to The Heart of Your Communication Struggles" by Paul David Tripp; Resources for Changing Lives.

Backwards L-A-I-N-E-D-- is to lie or lied. (HMMMM) Lying to yourself still counts as lying. Christ speaks the truth and anything contrary to what He says is a lie. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are forgiven, You were choosen and You are HIS! Lies are layered and when they finally break through and are seen for what they are, the pain can be unbearable and sadly the effects can be long reaching. Lies are temporary at best and every lie is a step away from Christ, every lie no matter how silly, how trival is a sin. Habits are easy to form but tough to break.

Wisdom and discernment are great tools to prevent Denial. The truth (agrees with final reality) sets you free. Truth and honest are integrity markers. A great book on this it Turning Toward Integrity Face Life's Challenges with God's Strength and New Resolve by David Jeremiah; The Turning Point Series.

Romans 1:25 (gives us a good reminder and clear picture of distorted perception and denial):

For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen

What are you worshiping? Who is your authority figure? What controls your life, your thoughts, your desires?

With God repentence is alway available and puts the lights back on and sets our feet back on the path of righteousness.

De Nile is a "dot term" meaning you know the truth, but choose to "cruise on the river" and pretend things are different than they are, kind of a nice form of hypocracy (pretending to be something your not). As with anything Denial and De Nile can run the spectrum from minor and just a little self defeating all the way to a major issue and lifes being at stake. Although seemily less of a wrong, it is in God's eyes the same thing. (A lie, whether it is just to ourselves, or something silly and trival like gaining weight and buying larger clothes to hide the fact, therefore appearing to loose weight. (Yes, this is a confessed thing of the past :( But, simple dishonest, mostly harmless to anyone else, but still a lie that covers something that needs to be brought to light and dealt with, but as long as we can "cruise down the river" we do not have to face the Truth. or at least not until we come face to face with Christ in scriptures. He whispers in our ear, he uses people and things in our lives (Like disturbing photos and clothes that shink days after you buy them) and He allows us the "FREE WILL" to choose to bring him our hurts, worries, problems, SINS!!! and he will clean us, heal us, bandage us and TRANSFORM us. When he is you life, when he is the reason you get up in the morning the days are better and the walking is easier! and you no longer want to "Cruise down the river" you enjoy every step you take, because you are walking in Faith, Love, Peace, Joy..... "The Fruits of the Spirit" you have them! you just need to want them and to put them out on display like fine jewels.

Christ started a work in you when you were born, He has plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11) and He WILL work things for YOUR!! good (Romans 8:28) but there will be hurts, trials, scars and wounds but you have the GREAT PHYSCIAN who makes house calls! He made you, He accepted you as you WERE!! transformed you into a new creature with the "IN tel (Holy Spirit) built in, (CHRIST IS IN YOU) therefore you can only go so far, you hit rock bottom but never, NO never will you completely fall through, because you have a foundation is Jesus Christ that you cannot "OPT" out of, screw up so bad that you void your warranty or just vacate and leave the precious relationship with HIM. (JONAH!!!!) He keeps you, the Covenant of Salvation is like the one with Abraham, you are a part of it, but Christ made the commitment for you with the Father and He Keeps and Honors it, you just have to attend!.

If this is news to you I hope your journey has not been as eventful, painful and long as mine was, but no matter how long you have been in Denial or "cruising on the River of De Nile" you can come into the light, get cleaned up and attend the banquet like a child of the King whenever you decide to, it is your choice. Growth hurts, cleaning old and crusty wounds hurts, but... so did Dying on the cross to make it all possible. Think about it, continue fighting, hurting with no promises, no comfort, no guide or come and see the doctor and be cleaned, healed and feed to fullness.

Finally some good news and promises of some relief!!

Well tonight was the much dreaded nerve conduction testing (EMG). It went well and then a bonus, I got to see the Doctor tonight!! review the MRI results it cost me a few extra pokes with the needles but, it was worth it.

The EEG (brain wave testing) was "NORMAL" {LOL}

MRI Results:
Mostly Normal (Hah!! I have in writing I am "NORMAL"- ROFL)

L4-L5- disc desiccation (drying). Mild disc Bulge. Disc buldge slightly eccentric (are they saying I am old??) to the left. (Hah.. my temporary political confusion was not my fault!! LOL)

Impression: (the official determination) L4-l5 disc desiccation(drying) with mild diffuse disc bulge, slightly eccectric (odd or parculiar) to the left. Remaining disc levels are relatively unremarkable.

Other "insignificant findings" (insignificant to whom???) right renal cyst and a right ovarian cyst. (Hmmmm this is funny because I am dyslexic and my pain/numbness is on the left, {LOL}) These could have some responsibility for the pain and numbness we will have to investigate these further.

Well to say I am relieved that the nerves are not damaged, the brain is "working" and seems to be sending signals, and the discs are not needing surgery. I will have to take some medication for awhile, but it is supposed to help me sleep!! ah..glorious sleep, who knows maybe I will start feeling normal soon.

Thanks for all the encouragement and prayers!

Makings of Friendship, and BFF

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O9G2QTs9Eg




Friend is one of the titles and names in life that I like the most. To many it is thrown around like many other words but to me it is like a crown, it is an honor to be called a friend. Christ used this word and therefore it is special (to me).

Growing up I watched others and how they talked and did things for people and there was something different when the person was a "friend". "You help everybody, you clean out your house for a friend" a family friend use to say. "If you have 1/2 a peanut butter sandwich, you would give 1/2 of it to a friend". You care enough about the person to say the tough stuff, the truth even when it is not going to be easy, fun, or the most comfortable. I have a motto, "Friend don't let friends hurt themselves by allowing them to live in "De Nial". When people are not real and living in reality, truth is a distant things and without truth there is not trust which upsets the balance of the relationship. Friendship is an active relationship that sometimes requires some action steps (IN LOVE, not selfish motivites). You have to love enough to risk losing face, favor and possibly some time with the person in order to step up and be the FRIEND! and when you are on the receiving end you need to see the person's love for you and be a good friend and receive in truth. When you fumble on either side of the play, YOU need to call a timeout and fix it! Restoration is a priority and a responsibility. As Christians we are to be praying ceaselessly, Pray for each other, pray for wisdom and humility to come to the line and restore the relationship. Pray for them during the separation. Pray in good times, pray in hard times, Pray.... It is what makes the difference!! God is in control of even our relationships! (when we invite him there, and it has an awesome promise, "Wherever two or more are gathered in my name, I too am there!!). (With Christ with us who can harm us?????)

What makes someone a friend? What makes you "feel" special about a person?

LOVE!!!! I have a tendency to repeat myself, so I will just say I Corinthians 13:4-8 and let you go read it for yourself and define love.

Are you at odds with someone? Are you finding lots of room in your life that use to have people there but now is sparsely and less involved with deep meaningful relationships? Maybe it is not the events or the conversations you are missing maybe it is the FRIEND, the person, the dedication, the LOVE!.

Just a thought that was rumbling around in my head this morning. :)

A few laughs at Life.....

Whoa... Life is such an interesting journey. Lately everyone is stressed and pulled and just not really "happy". The economy is not good. Strife and irritation over the leadership of the country. Personal struggles. Job losses. what a drag.. With my new hobby of trying to rewrite negative thoughts and having to find something funny about each situation or change the subject to something funny I have a few thoughts. {LOL} Using Phillipians 4:8 as a "guideline of acceptable thoughts". If it does not appear to be "in line, adjust it to be so.

Even the most stressful and personally taxing situations or issues have some humor barried in them.

Phillipians 4:4,5,6 Rejoice in the Lord always; AGAIN I will say, REJOICE! Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (The Great Physician's recommendation, and HE KNOWS what the future holds, He Know YOU and what YOU need to be able to do, so how can you go wrong??? (And "When!" (not if) you do go to "the dark side" He like a Great Shepherd comes and gets you and puts you back on the treadmill {LOL})

Laughter is good medicine! Laugh often!

My three biggest triggers and stressors: (medical/health, age-appearance; body image WEIGHT) sifted for the humor. Here is what I have found. (Remember humor is developing, you may have to start with the fake giggle to get the effect :) huh, ha ha. giggle giggle giggle!

Medical issues are such a pain. It is not as bad when you are "sick" but when it is vague and radiating and just complicated it is such a journey. I was trying to explain what my latest (chronic for years but getting worse) issues were and they were asking what the doctors did. I told them; they did some x-rays and some nerve testing and decided it was just "inflammation" and that I needed to exercise and lose weight. They were perplexed, "how are you supposed to exercise when you are in pain and when you leg goes numb?" They don't know but that way they gave me something and if I don't try then they don't have to do anything more. "Weren't you mad? Did you say anything?" I was like "Oh Yeah!!! on both accounts, it was not very nice so I won't admit to what I said. But, I was like, hey this is THEIR "Professional Opinion" and they spent 8 years in school learning this infinite wisdom and caring delivery. I finally said "How much weight would make a difference? they answered. (some of you guys are too good and will sit here and try to do the math, {LOL}! So I did what they told me, pain got worse, but my husband keeps saying the marine chant "PAIN is WEAKNESS leaving the body" so we kept on. Some weight came off, YEPIEE! went back because of the numbness, the first thing the doctor said was, "Why did you exercise if you were in this much pain???" I just cackled and showed him the note the doctor wrote me recommending EXERCISE AND WEIGHT LOSS! because I knew they would not believe that is what I was told. HE busted out laughing! and said, you are a good women, must would have been irrate and upset and refused to do it. I told him my theory on fighting the system. and we both just laughed. So now when we do not know what else to do, it is "Exercise and Lose Weight". {LOL}

Birthdays are listed on facebook and so you know when your friends birthdays are, most people do not list their year, I did. (go figure) oh well. Well, a few years ago I was having an identity crisis and hard time realizing that so many unproductive years have passed and I was the age I was with so little direction and work to show for it. When asked I would reply "I am 29! (copying a makeup commerical that I found funny) nobody ever really said anything. Well someone was plugging in birthdays and realized my age and said "I thought you were 29? did you enter the wrong year" I said, no I just decided to finally tell the truth and try to be a grown-up before the big 40~. I have decided to start subtracting years so I will never actually reach the dreaded age. "A teenager said isn't 30 the dreaded age, after that you know you are old!. " Laughter busted out. It figures I have been over the hill for years and did not know it.

Weight is always a "Funny" subject! "I was in the locker room at the Y and a lady was trying to weight (doing the one step toward the scale, peek in the mirror, another toward the scale) and so I was going to move. (NO ONE is allowed in a 20 mile radius when I get on the scale) and she was thankful but kind of felt bad about being so uptight about it, she said, "I hope when I get as small as you I won't feel so self concious. {I cracked up, and said if you only knew!} I just looked at her, she wasn't "fit" but I knew she weighed less than me. I told her I avoid the contraption until I "HAVE" to weigh or clothes start not fitting and I need to exit my cruise on the de Nial. She cracked up! We talked alittle more, I was just feeling a bit sarcastic, but told her I would weigh so she didn't feel so stressed. reminded her we were working out and muscle weighs more than fat. (THIS IS A FACT! slightly misused, but it is a fact!!) I said, let me go first (so she could see she was actually lighter) she got on and saw her weight and I thought she was going to pass out. she was like 20 pounds lighter. I told her "Mamma said, You can't judge a person by the size of their britches" again we cracked up. Now ever time I see her we just giggle and do the pumped up gesture.

Facebook has been the bomb! Love it.. more and more old friends are joining, family is getting into, people that have moved across the country and out-of-the-country are now accessible. Love the pictures, enjoy seeing the old pictures of other people, especially childhood and highschool. Then "IT" hit me. Someday some pictures of me during these times are going to surface. OH NO!!!! I was kind of oh well, no one will recognize me and my name was different. Then I got tagged and realized that links you to your old pictures. Then I noticed I started my facebook page with my FULL name and I linked my family tree pages too. Oh.. giggle... giggle ... giggle. (okay it is not as funny to you but just wait.. it will be)

TRY IT, Take three situations, subjects, experiences whatever and find something funny in them, write them down they are so helpful to look at when you need a laugh I have several posts I go back to and a file of stuff to make me laugh!. Share them! let's start a humor Riot!!
THE JOY OF THE LORD is your strength!

Misses' (Communication, Understanding, Handlings) are signs that the focus is wrong. Part 1

Okay, I know this is long, but it is on my heart so, and hence the title, this is MY blog for me to pour my heart out into and if you Choose to read it, hope it encourages and inspires you, if not well you got a break (HA HA)! read it when-if you can. skim through it I have it broken up as best I can. Pray over it. God what in the heck does this mess say, Should it apply to me, if it soes apply to me what the heck am I supposed to do about it. Amen. (If you have comments, questions, suggestions-email me or leave a comment, I have turn the anonymous back on :).

Listen to the song "AMAZING LOVE" while you read this or after. It is the focus we should have. We are in existance because of Him, HE suffered so that we can Live! All Glory belongs to him everything we do, we owe HIM and He will guide us all we have to do is Submit. as Nike says "Just Do It" (LOVE- that is what gives us our life).

Miscommunication, Misunderstanding and Mishandlings Part 1.

Three words and three actions that can bring about some strong emotions and destruction and pain of untold amounts. As "Christians" we need to be able to communicate with people, which means we have to relate and build rapport, trust and a bond with them. (or the new term in my dictionary JESUS-ians to help people separate the different meaning and doctrines and get to the real important part- the Life changing and connection to GOD that they need without all the stuff, debates and things they can study once they are gorwn in the word and communing with God he can teach them like he taught Adam and Eve) Trust cannot exist without Truth, Honesty and sincerity and when these are lacking in weakens the trust and bond and then tears the relationship down requiring RESTORATION!!! which involves "Gods Glue" Love (Agape) (I Corinthias 13:4-8; 13 but now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.)

Communication is 90% Hearing: God says in Romans 10:17 So faith (we are saved by faith: believing in Jesus Christ who we have not seen) comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ. (HMMMM.. "the Word of Christ" the Bible?? that book of old stories and all that "jewish law"? That is what MY GOD said in HIS WORD! In John 1:1 In the Beginning was the WORD, and the Word was with GOD, and the Word was God. 1:3 "All things came into being by Him, and apart from Him (SIN is apart from God, like gasoline and water (PUN intended!!!) nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. (secrets are darkness, darkness is death, hmmmmm). We are called to be the light of the world. You remeber the little song we sang as kids, this little light of mine, I am going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Are you shining? (i )

Do you use the Word or just words. Were are your words from? Words are good but what about your actions are they extentions of your words or are they kind of RANDOM? Speaking the Truth, identifying sin is one thing, persecuting and punishing the sin is Gods juristiction. Prayer is a petition and is powerful and just, because it was created by the Father. Do not misuse Prayer and threaten people with it. You can pray selfish prayers, "God make them miserable until they stop acting like a fool", and God hears you, and will deal with all the sin, YOURS TOO!!!

Miscommunications 9 times out of 10 are rooted in NOT HEARING someone correctly. Mixing expectations with what was said and "thinking" they said something they did not say, and alter motives. (getting someone to talk, just to use the information against them).

Communication is one of the most treasured things a person can give, because it is a piece of themselves. (I read this somewhere, years ago and I have built my life on it). For it to be effective and "real" communication needs to be a two way conversation and as equal as possible. If one person shares something troubling them the other person needs to communicate back what they are hearing the person say, how that makes them feel and makes sure the "UNDERSTAND" what the speaker was really asking of them, usually it is nothing, just to HEAR THEM and Care. Both people in a relationship need to bestow the honor and generousity of communication with the other, if you cannot communicate (written or verbal with someone why are you in a relationship? How do you relate to someone you cannot give to?

Love is a form of communication. Love has a language and different people speak different love languages. There are some awesome books by Gary Chapman and published by Moody Publishing http://www.moodypublishers.com/ about the Love Languages, "The Five Love Languages" The Five Love Languages of Children" and the Love Languages of God. I own and have read the first two and plan on getting the last one very soon. These will be "textbooks and "HIGHLY recommended reading in my practice (someday) :).

When communicating it is important to "Just Say IT (with Love not anger!)" don't try to plan an approach based on how the other person is going to react. In the olden days this was not as much of an issue because of etiquet and a simplier life people spoke different. Today our conversations are like well controlled crashes, you try to block someones exit or entrance and fire 3 hours worth of information, feelings and demands at them (while trying not to offend them) and expect them to receive it, process it, answer with a sincere and deep reply (that you are going to hold them to) and we wonder why we have so much conflict and strife.

Anger is a "symptom of a problem and is built out of offenses, wounds, disappointments, disillusions, unfullfilled needs, ungranted wishes, denied self gratification, self preservation, and self denial. We like to think of anger as "normal" and not a big deal, God has shown me that Anger is unbecoming, unloving and personally destructive to myself and my hearts desire-To please Him and to one day here people say, "She had her Fathers Eyes".

Anger is the opposite of Love, there was an older post that retold and excellent sermon that was given at my church of 1,500 people or more, but that sermon felt like it was written and presented to a one woman congregation. I have been somewhat open about my anger issue, (mainly because I am like a volcano, Mt. Saint Dot) the local news sometimes has to make "BREAKING NEWS: SHOCK WAVES WERE FELT FROM THE LOCAL VOLCANO TODAY" . People laugh and say "oh your not that bad", "We all have angry moments, its human". Really, that is not what God has said, and that's not what my Bible says.

The Anger is a feeling or emotion that we allow/create inside us and if it stays there it is not the sin, we can stop and renew our mind and be rightous and pleasing to God-. However, seldom do we stop there, Negative thoughts ("I deserve better than this".. "I need, I do and do and this is what I get) Rumbling and yelling are unbecoming (BAMM! Love is not unbecoming, it does not seek its own it does not provoke; I corninthians 13:4-8). It is the words and the thoughts and the actions that extend from that anger that is the sin. The danger is that sin is like Lays potatoe chips, "You cannot have just one". One nasty attitude, spills into mean spirited, ugly comments, into name calling, into ..... VIOLA it is a Sin Feast. The devil is dancing up a storm in the center of the destruction. The Devil dances in empty promises, pockets, spaces in planning. {Sounds like a lyric of a country song}

Have you ever looked into the eyes of the poor victims of your tiraide? Have you ever noticed the "attention and alertness" {not respect and affirmation, it is different, more like fear and reprisal) you receive after you have "unloaded on someone", they are like always on alert and so careful to do whatever you "barked" about. {Yeah, it is nice for a few minutes to see that they finally listened to you and You Made your POINT. Then reality sets in and you see that "YOUR POINT" definitely was felt and it has left a mark on the persons heart and spirit.}

Another thing about anger is its effect on you, since anger is about Self- Have you ever seen your self during and right after a tirade, {Oh man, if it is not humbling,!!!} Worse has anyone ever repeated your tirade back to you, (IN THE TONE YOU DELIVERED IT IN). This is a must have experience and I bet you, it helps you cut down and really think about your anger and your words. Words kill the spirit, we are supposed to bring life and share Jesus.

I shutter to see the "points I have made" and the hurts I have inflicted on people because I was right! and they needed to know they were WRONG! Jesus Christ (who Christians are named after and whom they say to model their lives after) did not judge anyone, he did not call them names even when everyone else, including the person did, he always respected them and saw them like the Father saw them. (Fearfully and Wonderfully made) Remember the women at the well, the adultress, Mary Magdellan, he never referred to them by their "earthly" titles, he referred to them by the name that the Holy and Heavenly Father calls them. Do we have more authority then Jesus Christ, our role model?

The Sin (offense and disobedience to GOD!) and breaking laws of the land and society (are sins too, but they can be handled differently) does not define the person. They are a person who is doing something unchristlike, but they are not turned over to that thing. They were bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ and once you are "stained" you are covered for LIFE (eternally life!!!). You are no longer to be known by the earth names and are not controlled by the earthly powers. The Holy Spirit is in you, (that is not heart burn everytime you are up set, conflicted about something it may be the fire of purification buring in your heart!) Confusion of the mind is also a purification process, God is not the author of confusion (disorder), He is the Truth, which will set you free and put things back in order, left-right, left-right. He is on the RIGHT!!! Head East!! (the beach is to the east, God is at the beach, whoa hoo!).. {Maybe I should change my major to philosophy???}

{Uh.. isn't right and wrong, sin and righteous judgments? and who gave you the authority to Judge others???? If you judge your brother or sister then you will be judged.. is what my Bible says.. OOPS!! There is another one! SIN! You can tell people things without condeming them and without passing judgment if they will listen. {UMMMM. That is a good point.. Part 2 of communication is the Listening). Do you know where the words the person is speaking are coming from? Is it theory and thought (information and knowledge, {and there is a huge difference!} ). Listening is an active exercise that involves, an open heart, open mind, (Open ears!!) and a closed mouth for the duration of the time the person is speaking. Once they pause or break then you can speak, (hopefully on what they just said and not changing the subject). "reflect back to them what they "Actually said" or say "I heard you say" if you are not sure what they meant ask them "Did you mean it this way?" be humble, "correct me if I am wrong" or "If I heard you correctly you said,"

In school they train us to listen differently and "interviewing" is the opposite of what we are use to. In counseling it is not about what you have to say, it is about what the other person has to say. Our need to be heard, and understood and to be able to control things in our lives has lead to a huge increase in the "counseling and psychological fields". The Great Physician is the best counselor too, and cheap, 100% confidentiality (NO EXCEPTIONS!!!) and man the results are literally LIFE CHANGING! Songs are written about his therapy approach, Like "Shackles", "Alabaster box", "Amazing Love", "Who am I". "Voice of Truth" and my favorite "wake me up inside". These songs all tell the story of the client coming to terms that they have a problem (Confession/Admission), (submitting for help, and the healing process). When we finally get honest, "I have a problem" or when we cruise down the De Nial too long and it is just the wailing and thrashing around with an occasional, "Oh God, help me, where are you??" {God said to me once, "Standing at the door, knocking waiting for you to let me come in, If you APPLIED some of those scriptures that you like to quote and throw around, you may have know that"}

Speaking the Truth and pointing someone to Jesus does not and Should not look like a "worldly" trial and order into custody for punishment. God does not take away peoples freedom to choose and neither should we. HE does not force people He speaks to them and awaits their surrender, shouldn't we?

Speaking the Truth requires the Armor of God correctly in place, a clean and honest heart, the fruits of the Spirit, and FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE!! I have yet to see immediate action when I speak, but I speak because I am tired of being spit up on the shore after my swim of refusal to obey God (JONAH STORY, many posts explaining) but, I pray ceasingly, have faith that God is in Control and HE WILL REIGN. He KNOWS things I do not, cannot not and should not KNOW. When I am faithful and still He can communicate with me and tell me what I need to know and most of the time it is "KNOW that I AM GOD" "This is not your battle, stand and I WILL Fight" "the Truth will set you free" and "Love one another".

I hear it Lord, and I am reflecting as best as I can. I am Still and I KNOW YOU ARE GOD and You ARE REIGNING even though it does not look like it! You Said it, I Believe, My LIFE is in Your hands. I Will SHINE! I will Walk By Faith and Not by SIGHT!