Rules, guidelines, expectations, examples, directions, instructions are all pretty straight forward and keep things in order. They give a measuring device to check progress and evaluate quality. They give security and justification. They drive people to points of emotional and mental breakdowns when they just cannot get it right. And then you add conditions, clauses, exceptions to the mix and massive confusion develops. Then when the letter of the law (rule or guideline) is expanded to be an interpretation of what is preceived to be the standard, utter chaos insues. Some are holding the old standard, some interpret it one way today another tomorrow, still others interpret the rule to be down graded from must do or must not do, to a suggestion or opionion. There is not an inforceable suggestion, expectation, example, direction or suggestions and even instructions can be negoatiated and debated and not followed. Consequences may result but, that is not enough of a reason to be held to some rule that is not agreed with. This whole process can be very exhausting, confusing and angering. Why does'nt everyone follow the rules? why can't people think about others instead of just what they want?
Some feel that rule followers are good people and rule breakers are bad people. In the world model who has the authority to call someone on misdeeds? As christians are we to enforce the rules? Is it our responsibility to discipline each other? What is the penalty for doing wrong? How do you make someone get right with God? How many times are they allowed to mess up?
Even in the Bible we see this dilema played out in several different stories and so many verses try to instruct us to do the right thing. Christ was a leader, but he submitted to the Authority of the Father, not because he was not strong enough to debate, or because he was too lazy to fight, because he loved Him and his obedience was a testimony to that love. He was setting an example by his submission to the Father. If that is our source for the rules, and we look at them in a sensible way, most of them relate to our heart, loving God first, loving and caring for others is mention several times as the second most important commandment. And best of all, with God, assistance is freely offered, he will help us meet and exceed the expectation, if we ask. Without love everything else is just motions and "religion". God despised the Pharisees for all their rules and ritualistic approaches at following him. They were so caught up in THEIR thinking, THEIR Rules, that they charged and persecuted Christ, the one they supposedly loved and were looking for. If the heart is moving in the right direction the rest of the body will follow, especially the brain, our biggest muscle and our worst enemy sometimes. It is not about the actions as much as it is the hearts involvement and who are heart is trying to appeal to. Whose measurement are we trying to achieve? What is our intention, do we really love God and want others to see him and love him or do we want them to see us as good and love us and then love God because we do?
I loved the song "This Little Light of Mine", when I was growing up. And in Sunday School we had a lesson about how our lives should be like the little light, the bible did not say if it was a candle or a lamp, or just a stick on fire, it just talked about what was seen, the Light. That Light is Christ Jesus, and we should have a glow that attracts people to us, to see what that Light is and then once they see Jesus and turn to him, much like a lighthouse that guides ships through storms. The lighthouse is not really given much thought, it is just what it was designed to do. The same with us, we were designed to Love God, Jesus and the holy spirit and if that helps someone else, that is awesome but our eyes should be looking to Christ for our instructions, expectations and directions. When these are our hearts desires, everything works to His glory.
Scriptures: God's instruction and expectations.
Psalm 119:141-144
Though I am lowly and despised, I do not forget your precepts. Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true. Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight.
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
1 Peter 3:8-9
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
Do not repay evil or insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
Romans 8:24-27
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we Wait for it Patiently.
1 Corinthians 2:11
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.
John 6:38
For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.
Jeremiah 32:18
...O great and powerful God, whose name is the Lord Almighty, great are your purposes and mighty are your deeds your eyes are open to all the ways of men; you reward everyone according to his conduct an as his deeds deserve.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Forgiveness and Grace are gifts, you do not earn them
When you have wronged someone apologizing is a natural thing we have been taught to do since we were little and ask them to forgive you. As we get older this has become second nature and has taken on a madatory status instead of something you "felt" lead to do. Guilt drives alot of adult behavior and can be a very misused feeling. Guilt does not come from God, he did not intend for us to walk around with our heads hung and always feeling bad about our mistakes, however frequent and messy they are they are still covered by His blood and as soon as we Confess them to him they are forgiven.
We "Confess" once and are forgiven for what we have done and will do in the future and then we ARE saved, sealed and our sins do not bring death to our relationship with God, some sins can bring about other death, but we are forgiven!!! Nothing you do can change that, there will still be uncomfortable consequences and sometimes long lasting consequences but the relationship is never lost. We have that security with our brothers and sisters in Christ too, we will always be related, we may not have the same earthly relationships but with prayer and love all things are possible. Repenting is seeing that what we did was wrong and acknowledging that and turning back to walking righteously. We sometimes want the acknowledgement and the humbleness of the other person but is that love? Do you enjoy having to be humble and go to someone and try to make things right. We misuse reproof and correction of each other, we should be able to confess that we did something wrong to our brother or sister in christ, but as the offended we can love them even if they do not, for the true care should be their relationship with God, and as long as that is in good order we should be graceful and freely give forgiveness to them as a gift with no strings as it was given to us. The holy spirit will do his work on the heart and return them to righteousness, the scripture tells us to go to each other, it does not tell us to collect apologies or admissions. The results is up to God, He is the maker and keeper.
Repent to God, and let him lead you in your steps, pray for the ones you have wronged and allow God to make it right. Sometimes the best of intentions actually do more harm and cause pain that did not need to be caused because we tried to fix a mistake or we tried to fight a battle that was not ours to fight.
The misuse of these two acts and how God intended for them to be used leads to alot of broken relationships and alot of hurt. We are to try to love each other as Christ loves us and we are to forgive each other, (whether we get an apology or not) like Christ loved us. Many do just that, they forgive and forget (love does not keep a record of wrongs) but just like with Christ's forgiving us, it has to be received, you have to trust that the other person has forgiven you and you need to accepted their forgiveness and walk as a freed person and not like you are on death row.
If we stick with scripture we can't go wrong- take all your cares, worries, hurts, guilt to the healer and let him take the burden.
1 Peter 8-9
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers (and sisters), be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil or insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find Grace to help us in our time of need.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.
We "Confess" once and are forgiven for what we have done and will do in the future and then we ARE saved, sealed and our sins do not bring death to our relationship with God, some sins can bring about other death, but we are forgiven!!! Nothing you do can change that, there will still be uncomfortable consequences and sometimes long lasting consequences but the relationship is never lost. We have that security with our brothers and sisters in Christ too, we will always be related, we may not have the same earthly relationships but with prayer and love all things are possible. Repenting is seeing that what we did was wrong and acknowledging that and turning back to walking righteously. We sometimes want the acknowledgement and the humbleness of the other person but is that love? Do you enjoy having to be humble and go to someone and try to make things right. We misuse reproof and correction of each other, we should be able to confess that we did something wrong to our brother or sister in christ, but as the offended we can love them even if they do not, for the true care should be their relationship with God, and as long as that is in good order we should be graceful and freely give forgiveness to them as a gift with no strings as it was given to us. The holy spirit will do his work on the heart and return them to righteousness, the scripture tells us to go to each other, it does not tell us to collect apologies or admissions. The results is up to God, He is the maker and keeper.
Repent to God, and let him lead you in your steps, pray for the ones you have wronged and allow God to make it right. Sometimes the best of intentions actually do more harm and cause pain that did not need to be caused because we tried to fix a mistake or we tried to fight a battle that was not ours to fight.
The misuse of these two acts and how God intended for them to be used leads to alot of broken relationships and alot of hurt. We are to try to love each other as Christ loves us and we are to forgive each other, (whether we get an apology or not) like Christ loved us. Many do just that, they forgive and forget (love does not keep a record of wrongs) but just like with Christ's forgiving us, it has to be received, you have to trust that the other person has forgiven you and you need to accepted their forgiveness and walk as a freed person and not like you are on death row.
If we stick with scripture we can't go wrong- take all your cares, worries, hurts, guilt to the healer and let him take the burden.
1 Peter 8-9
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers (and sisters), be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil or insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find Grace to help us in our time of need.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A great note about "THE WORD" (The Bible)
This was a Christmas card I received one year, and the saying really made an impact.
The Word did not become a philosophy, a theory or a concept to be discussed, debated or pondered But the Word became a person to be followed, enjoyed and loved!
Roy Lessin
"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14 NKV
If we take this to heart, and let that affect how we treat the scriptures, like a letter from a beloved friend that we miss a great deal. Or like a dear friend that we want to spend time with. If a scripture "hurts" or "offends" talk to God, ask for discernment, is it trying to reproof you of something? If not, ask for encouragement and peace keep studying that scripture, it may hold something very healing once you understand it.
The Word did not become a philosophy, a theory or a concept to be discussed, debated or pondered But the Word became a person to be followed, enjoyed and loved!
Roy Lessin
"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14 NKV
If we take this to heart, and let that affect how we treat the scriptures, like a letter from a beloved friend that we miss a great deal. Or like a dear friend that we want to spend time with. If a scripture "hurts" or "offends" talk to God, ask for discernment, is it trying to reproof you of something? If not, ask for encouragement and peace keep studying that scripture, it may hold something very healing once you understand it.
Prayers Answered? North Carolina not quite the move we planned.
**Play "Find Yourself" use the > keys to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right***
Well, We prayed about Chris's employment after he had really wanted to get on with the police force in the town we were from. (I was so scared God was going to answer yes, I had several people praying that I was supportive if he did, and that we had a definite sign, a burning bush or a letter would be great so there was no mistake) He then, went to work for his bestfriends janitoral company and was working there when Charles was born. He applied for several things, many friends of the family referred him to places, but nothing was panning out. He then applied for a job at GEICO and went through a long process and finally was hired for a position that after training would be in Raleigh, North Carolina. At first we were a little excited, we went to Dunn, North Carolina several times and new alot of people over there and thought this would be fun.
We of course, quickly started feeling scared and sad about leaving all of our family and friends, and my job. Life was full of change, and major changes, we both lived in Chesapeake all of our lives, we knew how to get anywhere, even knew the short cuts and back roads, we had street lights and I did not drive at night. We had to sell our townhouse that we purchased before we got married, so it was in my maiden name, therefore I had to do the paperwork (ugh!!! finances, and real estate together in one deal). The whole experience was gruling and I actually had to go back to Virginia to close due to problems that came up with our buyer. Our plans were not working out, again.
So it came time for moving day.. at least this could go smoothly.. (ha ha that would be a first) Nope, it poured down rained on moving day, we rented the biggest Uhaul and not everything was fitting on the truck, we had to start sorting the things we had to have right now, the rest (almost 1/2 the house would have to stay). I was panicing, so stressed, but I was holding it together.. I had to drive the 3 hours to our new home, which was not our ideal, but it was the best we found and our landlord was great. The backyard was big and open so we could hit golf balls which Charles liked too. And, it was perfect for blowing bubbles, which we discovered was very theraputic. We loaded up and headed for North Carolina, still raining. We pulled in the yard and the truck was a pain trying to line it up to get the loading deck close enough. We had to move during the week and most of the family was unable to take off work, but our two brother in-laws helped and My father-in-law came with us. We unloaded the truck and headed to take the truck back and got lost, with the North Carolina roads, we went up and down White Street a few times and finally got it turned in. Our family loaded up in their car and headed back home. That was the worst feeling watching them drive off. We were here all alone in North Carolina.
We were new in a town that was very different than what we were used to. Chris's first two weeks with GEICO were the most stressful, he had to use our car until his company car came in so I was stuck at home, alone with Charles, crying missing Papa for 14 days. Finally got my car back and was able to get out alittle, very little, I had the hardest time getting around (no sense of direction and I got lost every other turn). Chris's schedule was Tuesday thru Saturday and Monday's in Carolina are like a Sunday, many places are closed. We could not do any of the things that he needed to do, get licenses switched over, banking. It was rough I was on my own in a strange place, did not know anyone. The best part of the week was Sunday, the Church we actually found before the house we were renting. When we came to "house hunt" we passed the church and thought it looked like a good place to try, they were having a carnival and Charles was so excited, so we stopped and went in and he played, we talked to a few people. They invited us to come to services tomorow morning and nicely said, they would be looking for us. We thought it was nice, but the place was packed, they would not remember us tomorrow. Oh we were so wrong, Charles was the first one in the door, and as soon as we walked in one of the people that greeted us at the Games, called him, by name!!! oh, we were blown away. (Charles is very social and is hard to forget) We figure it was a fluke, but they remembered we were here visiting to look for a house to rent, again we were impressed. We liked the church and decided to look at the house again, that wasn't far away in Youngsville. We were both really heavy hearted and when we pulled up to the house we saw, someone from the fair, he worked at the church in the children's ministry. It was a sign. This was the house, from hundreds I looked at, this was where we were supposed to be. We signed the contract, alittle higher in spirits.
The church was always the first thing we talked about when we went back home. Charles and I were terribly homesick and went to Virginia alot in the beginning. Chris went by himself to church and really liked it. We finally got settled, still not all of our stuff made it to North Carolina. We had stuff at our parents house until just recently. We finally decided that we were not going to move this stuff down here and we began the painful process of going through it. And were so glad we did before bringing it down here just to throw away most of it because it was broken, ruined or otherwise just not of any use anymore. All this time these items were missed so much, but when we actually looked at the significance to our life here, there was none. God has purged us so much, which we so saddened by it, but now see it as a purification process. Our priorities are different now. Our thinking is different, we are different. We did not pray specifically much, we were to burdened and confused, worried we might have made a big mistake, but we prayed for wisdom and peace and the individual issues that arose. Christ knew what we needed. Even when we got off track and troubles found us and threatened our future, Christ interceded for us.
This verse is my "North Carolina" verse: Romans 8:24-27 (my additions)
For in this hope we were saved. But, hope that is seen is no hope at all who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it Patiently. In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness (and stupidity and doubts) We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts know the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's Will.
Well, We prayed about Chris's employment after he had really wanted to get on with the police force in the town we were from. (I was so scared God was going to answer yes, I had several people praying that I was supportive if he did, and that we had a definite sign, a burning bush or a letter would be great so there was no mistake) He then, went to work for his bestfriends janitoral company and was working there when Charles was born. He applied for several things, many friends of the family referred him to places, but nothing was panning out. He then applied for a job at GEICO and went through a long process and finally was hired for a position that after training would be in Raleigh, North Carolina. At first we were a little excited, we went to Dunn, North Carolina several times and new alot of people over there and thought this would be fun.
We of course, quickly started feeling scared and sad about leaving all of our family and friends, and my job. Life was full of change, and major changes, we both lived in Chesapeake all of our lives, we knew how to get anywhere, even knew the short cuts and back roads, we had street lights and I did not drive at night. We had to sell our townhouse that we purchased before we got married, so it was in my maiden name, therefore I had to do the paperwork (ugh!!! finances, and real estate together in one deal). The whole experience was gruling and I actually had to go back to Virginia to close due to problems that came up with our buyer. Our plans were not working out, again.
So it came time for moving day.. at least this could go smoothly.. (ha ha that would be a first) Nope, it poured down rained on moving day, we rented the biggest Uhaul and not everything was fitting on the truck, we had to start sorting the things we had to have right now, the rest (almost 1/2 the house would have to stay). I was panicing, so stressed, but I was holding it together.. I had to drive the 3 hours to our new home, which was not our ideal, but it was the best we found and our landlord was great. The backyard was big and open so we could hit golf balls which Charles liked too. And, it was perfect for blowing bubbles, which we discovered was very theraputic. We loaded up and headed for North Carolina, still raining. We pulled in the yard and the truck was a pain trying to line it up to get the loading deck close enough. We had to move during the week and most of the family was unable to take off work, but our two brother in-laws helped and My father-in-law came with us. We unloaded the truck and headed to take the truck back and got lost, with the North Carolina roads, we went up and down White Street a few times and finally got it turned in. Our family loaded up in their car and headed back home. That was the worst feeling watching them drive off. We were here all alone in North Carolina.
We were new in a town that was very different than what we were used to. Chris's first two weeks with GEICO were the most stressful, he had to use our car until his company car came in so I was stuck at home, alone with Charles, crying missing Papa for 14 days. Finally got my car back and was able to get out alittle, very little, I had the hardest time getting around (no sense of direction and I got lost every other turn). Chris's schedule was Tuesday thru Saturday and Monday's in Carolina are like a Sunday, many places are closed. We could not do any of the things that he needed to do, get licenses switched over, banking. It was rough I was on my own in a strange place, did not know anyone. The best part of the week was Sunday, the Church we actually found before the house we were renting. When we came to "house hunt" we passed the church and thought it looked like a good place to try, they were having a carnival and Charles was so excited, so we stopped and went in and he played, we talked to a few people. They invited us to come to services tomorow morning and nicely said, they would be looking for us. We thought it was nice, but the place was packed, they would not remember us tomorrow. Oh we were so wrong, Charles was the first one in the door, and as soon as we walked in one of the people that greeted us at the Games, called him, by name!!! oh, we were blown away. (Charles is very social and is hard to forget) We figure it was a fluke, but they remembered we were here visiting to look for a house to rent, again we were impressed. We liked the church and decided to look at the house again, that wasn't far away in Youngsville. We were both really heavy hearted and when we pulled up to the house we saw, someone from the fair, he worked at the church in the children's ministry. It was a sign. This was the house, from hundreds I looked at, this was where we were supposed to be. We signed the contract, alittle higher in spirits.
The church was always the first thing we talked about when we went back home. Charles and I were terribly homesick and went to Virginia alot in the beginning. Chris went by himself to church and really liked it. We finally got settled, still not all of our stuff made it to North Carolina. We had stuff at our parents house until just recently. We finally decided that we were not going to move this stuff down here and we began the painful process of going through it. And were so glad we did before bringing it down here just to throw away most of it because it was broken, ruined or otherwise just not of any use anymore. All this time these items were missed so much, but when we actually looked at the significance to our life here, there was none. God has purged us so much, which we so saddened by it, but now see it as a purification process. Our priorities are different now. Our thinking is different, we are different. We did not pray specifically much, we were to burdened and confused, worried we might have made a big mistake, but we prayed for wisdom and peace and the individual issues that arose. Christ knew what we needed. Even when we got off track and troubles found us and threatened our future, Christ interceded for us.
This verse is my "North Carolina" verse: Romans 8:24-27 (my additions)
For in this hope we were saved. But, hope that is seen is no hope at all who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it Patiently. In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness (and stupidity and doubts) We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts know the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's Will.
Another 2 Prayer Request Answered
***Play "Stand by rascal Flatts" use the > key to scroll down to the title on the playlist player to the right********
Thursday, February 29, 1996 Leap Year
"Unto them A son was born"
Chris requested a male heir and being the submissive and obedient wife I provided. (Ha Ha.. if only) I felt very sure it was a boy as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Once I was farther along everytime I looked at baby stuff, of course you go toward the frilly pink girl stuff, but then the baby would kick, as to say, you aren't putting me in that girl stuff. Also, I was really sick, morning, noon, afternoon, night I could barely eat and then keeping it was another story. And that is supposed to be a sign it is a boy. But the really sign was when we were trying to finalize our names, I found a receipt with the name Charles Wiggins on it, which was a typing error, but that was Chris's grandfathers name who had passed away 2 weeks after we started dating in 1988. Chris's family had a tradition of naming the new arrivals after people in the family that had passed away and they did not like naming a child directly after a parent or making jr or Sr's. So I felt like that was a sign. And we began calling him Charles Leonard from that point on. We prayed for everything to go smoothly and it did, despite my being green for 9 months. I worked the day of birth, until about 2:00, I would have called in sick but, we had alot going on at the office, and I missed a lot of work, so I went in got stuff done and then told the doctor I worked for that I was not feeling well, I "thought I might have a high trickle break and my doctor's office told me to come over the hospital and get checked out" . I went over to the hospital I had it all planned out, I would go over make sure everything was okay, it should be since I felt it come on a day and 1/2 ago, but Chris came home from work with Food Poisioning and was not feeling good at all, I left him at home sick when I went to work. I signed in and was taken back, the doctor on call checked, looked at me and said "you know this is dangerous, you should have come in when you first felt bad", well you will be having a baby tonight. He then left, so I got ready and got ready to leave so I could go get Chris, and my "hospital bag and stuff that we had gathered after our Lamaze class" I started toward the elevator and heard the doctor yelling "where do you think you are going???" I informed him of my interary, looked at my watch and said "I should be back in about and hour or two" He snorted and laughed (which made me really mad) and told me I could not leave, he just admitted me and they were going to induce me. I was hysterical, you can't do that, "I have it planned out, I need to get a few things and my husband I will be back" I blubbered. He explained that was not a good idea, and I needed to call someone to go get my husband and prepare to have my baby in a few hours. I was crushed, I was scared, I was mad!!! This is not how I planned my delivery, I thought at least this part would go easy and follow the plan. (As if I were in control )(Wrong, again). I called my parents, they went by and picked Chris up and brought him to the hospital, I was already in labor, but it took awhile. And nothing from this point went easy, or as planned, and I was miserable. I had an allergic reaction, broke out in hives had trouble breathing, I was burning up and of course uncomfortable. They had given me pitocin, which I did not really want but they insisted and they did this alot more than me so I took it, (BIG MISTAKE) after they started the second IV they informed me I could not walk, as I had been promised I could since we took lamaze. Well, if you have read other posts, you can predict what happen next. Yeap!!! I was highly upset, nothing was going right, I wanted this over, well the increased the pitocin (ANOTHER HUGE MISTAKE) and labor was over, I was delivering my son, I was not the most pleasant patient and they asked if I wanted something for the pain. I barked, "WHAT DO YOU THINK?? I want something and I want it strong and NOW!!! they gave me the shot and before the nurse could cap the needle, viola... It's a Boy.. The doctor announced. I was relieved at least something went the way it was supposed to, I thought if she announces it is a girl I will jump off this bed and scream. Well, the baby was fine, despite the pain medicine and they held him up to me, (this was my first baby and no one told me the baby would be PURPLE, I was prepared for a little bluish coloring, but I am talking PURPLE like a grape, I paniced, and plucked him in his cute little chubby cheeks, he wailed and I was so relieved. (this part of the story is Charles favorite, he always makes sure, we tell everyone that mommy slapped him until he cried). All was well, at least with the baby.
Chris was over at the table with the baby. They were working on me, and then mayhem broke out. I could feel something was wrong (working in doctor's offices, I knew this was not good). I was hemmoraging and they were rushing me into surgery to replace my uterus, on the way out the door all they told Chris was "we will do what we can, but if it is not successful we will try to save her". He was not sure what that meant, really did not know what had happened and everyone was left in the birthing room. Prayers were going up big time.. Surgery went well. Went I came to I was so confused, I was out before we left the birthing room. The first person that came in was our Pastor, I thought this can not be a good sign, I looked around and thought am I dying ???or has something happened to the baby.(emotions were raging) In my still cheerful tone, I looked at him and said.. "If it is bad I do not want to hear it, just let me go to sleep and wake up in heaven". He chuckled and said, he had seen the baby and he was great, but he did have bad news, "I would not be going just yet, I was going to be fine to" We prayed and thanked God that everything went well. This kind of caught the doctors by surprise, this is a rare thing to happen.
We were kind of bewildered for a month or more, very thankful, but recovery was rough. I looked like I had been beaten and felt like I was run over and beaten. But, luckly I was able to go back to work in 8 weeks. My heart was broken though because I could not breast feed, another plan shattered. I had a huge pitty party for months but finally pulled out of it. (post partum depression, we have now figured out but at the time, it was "just her way of processing it") I think this and my experience with depression makes me such an advocate for treatment and watching women who have delivered a baby for signs and making sure they have someone to talk to.
God so worked in, several great things, and worked so perfectly. A midwive had started the delivery, but my pregnancy was such a journey my doctor came in to deliver the baby, she wanted to be there to calm my fears that something was wrong (I kept telling her at the last few visits that I was really worried something was wrong with the baby, I had really weird cramps/pains in the middle of my stomach). If the midwive, who I am sure was capable of delivering the baby under normal circumstances, had been there by herself, I would have been in much worse shape, she was not prepared for this situation and did not realize what was happening. It just so happened the surgeon on call who was a doctor who had a case like mine and knew exactly how to replace the uterus without too much surgery, encase we wanted to have more children and to not put me through any more trauma.
Both of our parents were there and the Pastor was called and came right up. Prayers were flowing the whole time I was in surgery. Verses that I think of related to this situation of course, Romans 8:28-29, but this one touches me a bit more; Psalms 94:17-19
Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soom have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, "My foot is slipping" your love, O Lord supported me, When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Even the most upsetting, disappointing, heartbreaking event can hold praises, and all things are used for good for those who love the Lord. Praises are like buried treasure, you have to digg for them but, Oh, how worth it when you find them they are Absolutely Priceless. And the best part is it's never to late to find the treasure! Seek and you will find.
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