Misses' (Communication, Understanding, Handlings) are signs that the focus is wrong. Part 1

Okay, I know this is long, but it is on my heart so, and hence the title, this is MY blog for me to pour my heart out into and if you Choose to read it, hope it encourages and inspires you, if not well you got a break (HA HA)! read it when-if you can. skim through it I have it broken up as best I can. Pray over it. God what in the heck does this mess say, Should it apply to me, if it soes apply to me what the heck am I supposed to do about it. Amen. (If you have comments, questions, suggestions-email me or leave a comment, I have turn the anonymous back on :).

Listen to the song "AMAZING LOVE" while you read this or after. It is the focus we should have. We are in existance because of Him, HE suffered so that we can Live! All Glory belongs to him everything we do, we owe HIM and He will guide us all we have to do is Submit. as Nike says "Just Do It" (LOVE- that is what gives us our life).

Miscommunication, Misunderstanding and Mishandlings Part 1.

Three words and three actions that can bring about some strong emotions and destruction and pain of untold amounts. As "Christians" we need to be able to communicate with people, which means we have to relate and build rapport, trust and a bond with them. (or the new term in my dictionary JESUS-ians to help people separate the different meaning and doctrines and get to the real important part- the Life changing and connection to GOD that they need without all the stuff, debates and things they can study once they are gorwn in the word and communing with God he can teach them like he taught Adam and Eve) Trust cannot exist without Truth, Honesty and sincerity and when these are lacking in weakens the trust and bond and then tears the relationship down requiring RESTORATION!!! which involves "Gods Glue" Love (Agape) (I Corinthias 13:4-8; 13 but now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.)

Communication is 90% Hearing: God says in Romans 10:17 So faith (we are saved by faith: believing in Jesus Christ who we have not seen) comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ. (HMMMM.. "the Word of Christ" the Bible?? that book of old stories and all that "jewish law"? That is what MY GOD said in HIS WORD! In John 1:1 In the Beginning was the WORD, and the Word was with GOD, and the Word was God. 1:3 "All things came into being by Him, and apart from Him (SIN is apart from God, like gasoline and water (PUN intended!!!) nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. (secrets are darkness, darkness is death, hmmmmm). We are called to be the light of the world. You remeber the little song we sang as kids, this little light of mine, I am going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Are you shining? (i )

Do you use the Word or just words. Were are your words from? Words are good but what about your actions are they extentions of your words or are they kind of RANDOM? Speaking the Truth, identifying sin is one thing, persecuting and punishing the sin is Gods juristiction. Prayer is a petition and is powerful and just, because it was created by the Father. Do not misuse Prayer and threaten people with it. You can pray selfish prayers, "God make them miserable until they stop acting like a fool", and God hears you, and will deal with all the sin, YOURS TOO!!!

Miscommunications 9 times out of 10 are rooted in NOT HEARING someone correctly. Mixing expectations with what was said and "thinking" they said something they did not say, and alter motives. (getting someone to talk, just to use the information against them).

Communication is one of the most treasured things a person can give, because it is a piece of themselves. (I read this somewhere, years ago and I have built my life on it). For it to be effective and "real" communication needs to be a two way conversation and as equal as possible. If one person shares something troubling them the other person needs to communicate back what they are hearing the person say, how that makes them feel and makes sure the "UNDERSTAND" what the speaker was really asking of them, usually it is nothing, just to HEAR THEM and Care. Both people in a relationship need to bestow the honor and generousity of communication with the other, if you cannot communicate (written or verbal with someone why are you in a relationship? How do you relate to someone you cannot give to?

Love is a form of communication. Love has a language and different people speak different love languages. There are some awesome books by Gary Chapman and published by Moody Publishing http://www.moodypublishers.com/ about the Love Languages, "The Five Love Languages" The Five Love Languages of Children" and the Love Languages of God. I own and have read the first two and plan on getting the last one very soon. These will be "textbooks and "HIGHLY recommended reading in my practice (someday) :).

When communicating it is important to "Just Say IT (with Love not anger!)" don't try to plan an approach based on how the other person is going to react. In the olden days this was not as much of an issue because of etiquet and a simplier life people spoke different. Today our conversations are like well controlled crashes, you try to block someones exit or entrance and fire 3 hours worth of information, feelings and demands at them (while trying not to offend them) and expect them to receive it, process it, answer with a sincere and deep reply (that you are going to hold them to) and we wonder why we have so much conflict and strife.

Anger is a "symptom of a problem and is built out of offenses, wounds, disappointments, disillusions, unfullfilled needs, ungranted wishes, denied self gratification, self preservation, and self denial. We like to think of anger as "normal" and not a big deal, God has shown me that Anger is unbecoming, unloving and personally destructive to myself and my hearts desire-To please Him and to one day here people say, "She had her Fathers Eyes".

Anger is the opposite of Love, there was an older post that retold and excellent sermon that was given at my church of 1,500 people or more, but that sermon felt like it was written and presented to a one woman congregation. I have been somewhat open about my anger issue, (mainly because I am like a volcano, Mt. Saint Dot) the local news sometimes has to make "BREAKING NEWS: SHOCK WAVES WERE FELT FROM THE LOCAL VOLCANO TODAY" . People laugh and say "oh your not that bad", "We all have angry moments, its human". Really, that is not what God has said, and that's not what my Bible says.

The Anger is a feeling or emotion that we allow/create inside us and if it stays there it is not the sin, we can stop and renew our mind and be rightous and pleasing to God-. However, seldom do we stop there, Negative thoughts ("I deserve better than this".. "I need, I do and do and this is what I get) Rumbling and yelling are unbecoming (BAMM! Love is not unbecoming, it does not seek its own it does not provoke; I corninthians 13:4-8). It is the words and the thoughts and the actions that extend from that anger that is the sin. The danger is that sin is like Lays potatoe chips, "You cannot have just one". One nasty attitude, spills into mean spirited, ugly comments, into name calling, into ..... VIOLA it is a Sin Feast. The devil is dancing up a storm in the center of the destruction. The Devil dances in empty promises, pockets, spaces in planning. {Sounds like a lyric of a country song}

Have you ever looked into the eyes of the poor victims of your tiraide? Have you ever noticed the "attention and alertness" {not respect and affirmation, it is different, more like fear and reprisal) you receive after you have "unloaded on someone", they are like always on alert and so careful to do whatever you "barked" about. {Yeah, it is nice for a few minutes to see that they finally listened to you and You Made your POINT. Then reality sets in and you see that "YOUR POINT" definitely was felt and it has left a mark on the persons heart and spirit.}

Another thing about anger is its effect on you, since anger is about Self- Have you ever seen your self during and right after a tirade, {Oh man, if it is not humbling,!!!} Worse has anyone ever repeated your tirade back to you, (IN THE TONE YOU DELIVERED IT IN). This is a must have experience and I bet you, it helps you cut down and really think about your anger and your words. Words kill the spirit, we are supposed to bring life and share Jesus.

I shutter to see the "points I have made" and the hurts I have inflicted on people because I was right! and they needed to know they were WRONG! Jesus Christ (who Christians are named after and whom they say to model their lives after) did not judge anyone, he did not call them names even when everyone else, including the person did, he always respected them and saw them like the Father saw them. (Fearfully and Wonderfully made) Remember the women at the well, the adultress, Mary Magdellan, he never referred to them by their "earthly" titles, he referred to them by the name that the Holy and Heavenly Father calls them. Do we have more authority then Jesus Christ, our role model?

The Sin (offense and disobedience to GOD!) and breaking laws of the land and society (are sins too, but they can be handled differently) does not define the person. They are a person who is doing something unchristlike, but they are not turned over to that thing. They were bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ and once you are "stained" you are covered for LIFE (eternally life!!!). You are no longer to be known by the earth names and are not controlled by the earthly powers. The Holy Spirit is in you, (that is not heart burn everytime you are up set, conflicted about something it may be the fire of purification buring in your heart!) Confusion of the mind is also a purification process, God is not the author of confusion (disorder), He is the Truth, which will set you free and put things back in order, left-right, left-right. He is on the RIGHT!!! Head East!! (the beach is to the east, God is at the beach, whoa hoo!).. {Maybe I should change my major to philosophy???}

{Uh.. isn't right and wrong, sin and righteous judgments? and who gave you the authority to Judge others???? If you judge your brother or sister then you will be judged.. is what my Bible says.. OOPS!! There is another one! SIN! You can tell people things without condeming them and without passing judgment if they will listen. {UMMMM. That is a good point.. Part 2 of communication is the Listening). Do you know where the words the person is speaking are coming from? Is it theory and thought (information and knowledge, {and there is a huge difference!} ). Listening is an active exercise that involves, an open heart, open mind, (Open ears!!) and a closed mouth for the duration of the time the person is speaking. Once they pause or break then you can speak, (hopefully on what they just said and not changing the subject). "reflect back to them what they "Actually said" or say "I heard you say" if you are not sure what they meant ask them "Did you mean it this way?" be humble, "correct me if I am wrong" or "If I heard you correctly you said,"

In school they train us to listen differently and "interviewing" is the opposite of what we are use to. In counseling it is not about what you have to say, it is about what the other person has to say. Our need to be heard, and understood and to be able to control things in our lives has lead to a huge increase in the "counseling and psychological fields". The Great Physician is the best counselor too, and cheap, 100% confidentiality (NO EXCEPTIONS!!!) and man the results are literally LIFE CHANGING! Songs are written about his therapy approach, Like "Shackles", "Alabaster box", "Amazing Love", "Who am I". "Voice of Truth" and my favorite "wake me up inside". These songs all tell the story of the client coming to terms that they have a problem (Confession/Admission), (submitting for help, and the healing process). When we finally get honest, "I have a problem" or when we cruise down the De Nial too long and it is just the wailing and thrashing around with an occasional, "Oh God, help me, where are you??" {God said to me once, "Standing at the door, knocking waiting for you to let me come in, If you APPLIED some of those scriptures that you like to quote and throw around, you may have know that"}

Speaking the Truth and pointing someone to Jesus does not and Should not look like a "worldly" trial and order into custody for punishment. God does not take away peoples freedom to choose and neither should we. HE does not force people He speaks to them and awaits their surrender, shouldn't we?

Speaking the Truth requires the Armor of God correctly in place, a clean and honest heart, the fruits of the Spirit, and FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE!! I have yet to see immediate action when I speak, but I speak because I am tired of being spit up on the shore after my swim of refusal to obey God (JONAH STORY, many posts explaining) but, I pray ceasingly, have faith that God is in Control and HE WILL REIGN. He KNOWS things I do not, cannot not and should not KNOW. When I am faithful and still He can communicate with me and tell me what I need to know and most of the time it is "KNOW that I AM GOD" "This is not your battle, stand and I WILL Fight" "the Truth will set you free" and "Love one another".

I hear it Lord, and I am reflecting as best as I can. I am Still and I KNOW YOU ARE GOD and You ARE REIGNING even though it does not look like it! You Said it, I Believe, My LIFE is in Your hands. I Will SHINE! I will Walk By Faith and Not by SIGHT!