Thank you to all those that read through the medical posts and got to the end wondering what in the heck?? Sorry for the confusion. I did not realize many did not know this stuff, I feel like I whine and complain all the time and felt like people had shared and everyone kind of knew. But, a good friend asked me what was going on and why I had not said something.
I write this blog to fullfill my selfish-fleshy need to process some thoughts and try to renew my mind and figure out the next step and rest in the reality. I know that God has a plan for even my medical whoas but, well as I write in the blogs I am just not submitting and trusting Him with my health and this is my struggle and often times my sin- I am pretty honest until it comes to "HOW ARE YOU". Ummmmm.. IIIII mmmm ookay????? this is probably my most prayful time.. Dear God, let them believe it and lets move on.. and for the most part it works.
"I just cannot work harder and do all I want to do. I do have limits." I know that sounds really weird and slightly funny but it has taken me 11 years to finally realize this and well I am not the most submissive and logical person, just ask my husband. {LOL}!!!
Anyway, for those that do not know my medical issues, here it is.
Most pressing and the source of most of my "discomfort" is left sided pain and numbness (at the same time, URGG) from the top of my head, ear and all the way down to the bottom of my foot.
Left leg/hip pain, weakness, and unpredictible numbess, leg "folding in" cause me to stumble and fall alot. I will be going down stairs and then all the sudden my left leg is not present and down I go, usually with a big thud!. Very scary, quite annoying and majorly embarassing. I had a bulging disc diagnosed in 2001 but it is considered insignificant and was not thought to explain the problem. I was heavy at the time and not physically fit so they felt that was more the cause of my issues so I was sent to loose weight and get fit. (should have just told me to become an astranaut, at the time that was more likely)
I struggle cognitively (Mental processing and functioning) with simply organization, short term memory things like shopping lists, and peoples names (I know phone numbers but can't remember whose number is whose), verbal commands, reading and apply the knowledge without taking notes, speech and saying the right words or saying things at all sometimes. Confusion, forgeting normal things like appointments and days of the week, (showing up on the wrong days, thinking it is tuesday on friday, losing track of due dates on bills). Some of this was feared side effects of medication, but all medicine had been stopped for over a year and symptoms were getting worse.
Of course, the doctors had there thoughts (Depression and STRESS) that is not a good enough answer and if so, there are other treatments besides medication. "Yes, but most people do not want to go that route!, they just want to take a pill and be done". Well, I am Dot and I want the other option, well we have to do some tests and assess you cognitively and deal with the individual issues. Okay lets go!. If therapy is needed, we will deal with it but, I don't think so.. And mark your calendars, I WAS RIGHT!!! okay I will finally conceed there is some depression but I have finally got them to realize we are NOT Dwelling on it, and if we fix the other stuff I will be "Little Miss Sunshine". Sleep is like a miracle drug, it improves personality, health even helps with appetite and who needs caffeine when you have 6 hours of sleep. Whoa hoo! I am like a new woman.
I have meniere's disease (a inner ear problem that is impacted by hormonal changes)
I have suffered with motion illness and dizziness, vertigo (spinning) and syncope (passing out) 2 years ago it was found that I have too much adreniline (explaining alot-anxiety, syncope, thirsty all the time,).
I also suffer from Fibromyalgia http://www.fmaware.org/site/PageServer?pagename=fibromyalgia(a muscular pain syndrome) and some other muscular issues (low muscle tone in some areas, too much in others). My symptoms have always been "mild" and non-dibilitating since I was able to do most of what I needed, maintained most of my range of motion and could work full-time. I have had alot of physical therapy with little change, and more questions raised. Because of being so emotional and sleep deprived it was decided that depression was present (whoa! Einsteins and compassionate doctors just started treating that, at least they had medication for that{Sarcasim intended!})
I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (??? hard to define, because few practioners agree and again my symptoms are considered mild). http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chronic-fatigue-syndrome/DS00395
I have progressively struggled with the pain, lack of sleep, maintaining physical exercise because of the left leg/hip and lower back pain (that cannot be explained) which keeps fullfilling the definition of depression, which I have worked on and had medicated (much to my demise, reactions and side effects galore) I have finally made some headway with the doctors realizing something is going on. They finally picked up on my ANXIETY http://www.medicinenet.com/anxiety/article.htm which was not being treated or considered and now ANXIETY/Depression is treated different since it is different than depression.
I opted for a holistic approach that works with my spiritual beliefs and the minimal medications as possible and am now having to realize that I just have to realize mind over matter is not a realistic approach and sometimes you do have to take medication and it is okay. It is hard for people that have not had conditions like these to understand. Sometime people say the darnedest things, probably not meaning to sound as condemning and critical as they come across but it is not a weakness of anything and it is personal decision to seek treatment and reclaim the abundant life or to just wait and see.
I am so thankful for Lots of great friends and supportive family members, and my blogging buddies that have prayed, cried and encouraged me through this troubling journey. God started a work in me through my medical issues and He will finish it. So I am trying to learn to rest and Know He is God, and have the discernment to move and do as He guides me. So there is a spiritual value to my struggle and sharing it has opened some doors and brought me some new relationships.
No comments:
Post a Comment